WORST ROOMMATES EVER

(February, 2018) Prompted by a New York Magazine article about a serial squatter who would meticulously drive people out of their own homes, journalist Gene Demby asked people to share their own tales of nightmare roommates. Here are some of the Worst Roommate Stories:
– Came home one Saturday and had an eviction notice on the door. Turns out roommate had been taking my rent money – at that point, $5K – to pay for his dues to his Scientology-like cult group.
– My roommate hid a 4ft python under our bunk bed for 4 days before I found it.
– I had a roommate that would tell me I could eat anything in the fridge and borrow any of her clothes, but left notes on clothes saying “I wouldn’t wear this if I had YOUR figure,” or “don’t eat this, it’ll go straight to your big hips,” on the food.
– My landlady who also lived in the house: she wouldn’t let me use the washer/dryer because “people are dirty” (direct quote) and, several times, woke me up at 3am to ask me if I’d been cooking.
– My roommate poured her leftover spaghetti (like half a bowl) into our shared bathroom sink and tried to just “wash it down the drain”.
– I had a roommate who would stress eat watermelon, then get drunk, then decide that her “food baby” was an actual baby, buy it baby clothes online, and then fall asleep and wake up the next day and do it all again. We had so many baby clothes.
– My roommate bought two ‘miniature’ rabbits off a guy on the Venice Boardwalk. Needless to say, they soon became enormous, peed on everything, and because they were both male, had constant, terrifying, Watership-Down style fights to the near-death.
* Yeah, wait’ll you get married. I’m sorry, was that out loud?
* Too bad the rabbits and the python weren’t in the same apartment.
* These are mild – there isn’t a single story involving bodily fluids or waste products.
* Roommates are just God’s way of seeing if you’re ready to have kids.
* PHONE TOPIC: My Worst Roommate.