THINGS EVERY PARENT DOES

(March, 2014) Here is a list of Things Every Parent Does. Don’t deny it:
1. Chow down on junk food after the kids are asleep.
2. Tell your own “abridged” version of a bedtime story.
3. Order your toddler food at a restaurant just so you can get a little mac ‘n’ cheese.
4. Check your email when sending your kid to play hide and seek.
5. Somehow “lose” an annoying toy.
6. Replace a dead fish without telling your kid.
7. Lie about your kid’s age to get free kid admission.
8. Use your kid to get out of doing something.
9. Leave a dirty diaper somewhere you shouldn’t.
10. Tell your kid a boldface lie.
11. Talk the ear off the cable guy, mailman, or any other adult who visits your house.
12. Tell your kid something they want to do is illegal.
13. Buy knockoff toys and try to pass them off as the real thing.
14. Pass gas and blame it on your kid.
15. Promise your child that you’ll “come back another time” when you have no intention of ever doing so.
* Alright, who’s the informant? We need to start rounding people up and taking names.
* Okay, you’ve got the Monday list covered, but what did the parents do Tuesday?
* How about “daydreaming what your life would be like without kids”?
* #10 is definitely in play – intentionally telling your kid things that aren’t true because your brain is so bored.
* “The moon isn’t made of cheese, Timmy. No, it’s actually styrofoam mixed with plywood.”
* “What? You want to know where babies come from? Would you believe Home Depot?”
* Then there’s the phony warnings like, “You don’t want to go outside right now. There’s a werewolf in the yard.”
* Take your children to a pet store and tell them it’s the zoo.
* Tell them Mommy has a special friend that Daddy doesn’t want to hear about.
* Tell them it’s not booze. It’s just Mommy and Daddy’s medicine.
* Tell them they can be anything they want to be if they just try hard enough.
* Have them watch that same DVD again and again just to get a break from them.
* PHONE TOPIC: How many of these have you done? What boldface lie have you told your kid?