MEN'S BIGGEST PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE

(October 2015) From the Huffington Post, three psychotherapists who work extensively with couples share the biggest issues that men say cause friction in their marriages.
1. My wife expects me to be a mind reader. “It’s so wrong for women to assume, ‘My partner should know how I feel and what I want. I shouldn’t have to tell him,'” said psychotherapist Marcia Naomi Berger. “Wives should be direct but husbands can also help by encouraging their spouses to say specifically what they want. Then, he should either accommodate or negotiate so both of their needs are met.”
2. The late night arguments are getting out of hand. You’re just about to drift off to sleep … and then WHAM! Your wife rolls over and brings up some major issue that needs addressing right away. It’s an almost universal complaint among married men, said Elisabeth J. LaMotte, a couples psychotherapist and founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center. “Often, from the woman’s perspective, the topic feels so important that she can’t possibly sleep until things have been adequately discussed,” LaMotte explained. “But for many men, this is the least appealing time to talk. They feel like their exhaustion and need to sleep is being dismissed by their wives.”
3. She doesn’t appreciate me. When speaking with husbands who’ve cheated, psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman (* loved his song “Cars”) said the biggest complaint usually isn’t a lackluster sex life, but rather feeling under-appreciated by their wives. “The problem is, too many women think that if they are overly appreciative to their husbands, they’ll reduce their husband’s desire to please her. It’s quite the opposite. actually. Men are energized when they feel their wives are appreciating them,” he said.
4. She doesn’t back me up when I discipline the kids. Berger said many husbands complain about having to go it alone on discipline. “They feel like there’s no backup,’ she said. “Couples really need to support each other in front of the kids and talk to each other in advance so they can agree on what disciplinary action will occur. When children know their parents disagree about what they’re allowed to do or on consequences for breaking rules, they’re likely to play one parent against the other – and that only results in stress for the couple.”
5. She’s not interested in sex. “The biggest complaint in the intimacy department for men is that they feel there’s simply not enough.” The solution doesn’t rest squarely on wives’ shoulders, said Neuman; husbands need to work on fostering intimacy by lending their wives some support outside the bedroom.
* So these therapists, the three of them – they’re single?
* Guess why you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever see any stories, articles, surveys or studies about how much FUN marriage is. Come on – guess.
* This is old news. Here’s the first stanza of Elvis Presley’s “A Little Less Conversation” from almost 50 years ago:
A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain’t satisfactionin’ me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Shut your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby
* “Shut your mouth and satisfy me.” Now that’s romance!
* Then there’s Peter Pan’s observation in the original animated movie, 1953: “Girls talk too much.”
* If you want a more detailed presentation of men’s problems in marriage, get the complete DVD box set of “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
* I’ve always felt all problems in a marriage come down to who holds the remote.