PETTY REASONS WHY WE BROKE UP

(Dedember, 2021) Members of Reddit shared the pettiest reasons they’ve ever broken up with somebody:
– “I called it quits with a guy I had been dating for three weeks because I literally had to teach him how to boil water. He was 29 at the time. And a civil engineer.”
– “It was too hard to park by her apartment.”
– “I stopped casually dating a guy because he took 30 minutes to decide what omelet he wanted at IHOP.”
– “I dumped a guy after the second date because he licked his eyeglasses to clean them.”
– “I once had a guy break up with me when he found out I wasn’t the popular girl in high school. For the record, we were both 25 at the time.”
– “My ex told me that she broke up with her first boyfriend because she didn’t feel like shopping for his birthday gift.”
– “After the third date, he told me he ‘couldn’t wait to have kids with me because I was great breeding stock.'”
– “I broke up with a girl because she said she didn’t like the way a banjo sounds. I don’t play banjo, but c’mon, those things are awesome.”
– “Halfway through our first date, he left because I wouldn’t agree with his assertion that Quentin Tarantino was the greatest director of all time.”
– “I have an iPhone, and I can’t be with a guy who has an Android, because I can’t stand the green texts.”
– “She scraped her teeth on her utensils when she ate.”
– “Once I broke up with someone cuz his feet were like Hobbit feet. He had long, yellow nails, really long hair poking out of his sandals, and hard yellow skin all over the heels.”
– “I once ended it with a guy I went on a few dates with because he always had eye boogers.”
– “On the second date, the guy quoted the entirety of Bee Movie. He was 24.”
– “Every time I touched her, I would smell of egg. Held hands? Egg. Hugged her? My shirt would smell of egg. Strangest bit was, she didn’t smell like that whatsoever. When I broke it off, the egg smelling stopped.”
* Dude, you were smelling sulfur, because you were dating Satan.
* There’s not one of these excuses that wouldn’t hold up in a court of law.
* If you think these are bad, go back and watch “Seinfeld.” Some reasons Jerry broke up:
– He knocked a girl’s toothbrush into the toilet. Before he could clean it, she used it. He could never kiss her again.
– Girl had large “man-hands.”
– Girl broke up because she thought she caught Jerry picking his nose, but he was only scratching.
– Girl writes him a poetic letter that she plagiarized from a movie.
– Girl says she really likes a Dockers commercial which Jerry hates.
– Girl, a masseuse, won’t give him a free massage.
– Girl won’t stop finishing his sentences.
* PHONE TOPIC: What’s the pettiest reason you broke up with somebody?