APP WILL BREAK UP FOR YOU

(June, 2015) Now, you don’t have to send your own breakup text. First, we have to tell you that in the United Kingdom, a garbage can is called a “bin” – as in “dustbin” – and when something is tossed in the trash they say it’s “binned.” Now, then. A new app called Binder (rhymes with ‘tinder’) will send a snarky text and voicemail to your partner to break the news that you’re officially done. The app was created for Tennent’s Lager, a Scottish beer brand that claims to have created it just “for laughs, but still …” Here’s how it works – Binder asks you to choose the gender of the dumpee and plug in their name and number. Next, you select your breakup excuse of choice. Some examples:
– “It’s not me, it’s definitely you.”
– “I feel like maybe I was tricked into this.”
– “It’s like I’m living in some sort of unwakeable nightmare.”
– “I’d rather be lonely.”
From there, simply swipe right and your poor, unsuspecting S.O. will receive this text from Binder:
“Hey, (their name), it’s Binder, the app for dumping people. Your (now) ex says ‘It’s not you, it’s them. And he just needs some space’. Sorry, you’re binned.”
* Then once you sober up, you call and beg them to take you back.
* They created it just for laughs? Good one. Once you get past the emotional cruelty it’s very, very funny.
* “Tennent’s Lager, the beer for mean, heartless S.O.B.s.”
* Despite the Mike Myers character on SNL, in this case, it IS Scottish, and it’s crap.
* Or you can just go on drinking Tennent’s Lager till she dumps you.
* Maybe we should take it to the next level and break up using drones.
* Sure, a drone flies over the person’s house and dumps all the stuff they left at your place out on the lawn.
* PHONE TOPIC: Have you ever been dumped by a text message? What’s the worst news you ever got by text?