YOU’VE GOT A SECRET

Michael Slepian, associate professor of ethics at Columbia Business School, has authored a new book “The Secret Life of Secrets.” For the past 10 years, Slepian has conducted hundreds of studies on secrets. After asking 50,000 people to open up about what they keep hidden, he has found that when people keep secrets, they can suffer physical and emotional harm. People who keep more secrets report that their health is worse, they get less pleasure out of life, and their relationships are weaker than people who keep fewer secrets. Professor Slepian says:
– Some people’s secrets make them feel guilty and believe that they have wrongfully escaped punishment. As a result, they punish themselves to atone, often by denying themselves pleasure.
– People will ruminate over their secrets, getting caught up in persistently negative repetitive thoughts.
– He says most people want to share their secret with someone who would be compassionate. They also want the listener to offer advice and push them to do what needs to be done.
– But, he says, choose your confidante carefully – someone who will not be scandalized. According to his studies, someone who will be morally outraged at your secret is more likely to gossip as a way of punishing the secret keeper.
– He says it’s important to distinguish between secrets that are harmful and those that aren’t. Remind yourself that it happened in the past, and the past can’t be changed. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself and go forward with your life. “Recognize the improvements you’ve made and the ways you’ve grown,” he says.
– The most common secrets are about lying, sexual behavior, desires, and family. One out of every three people surveyed by Slepian admitted to infidelity, though not necessarily in a current relationship.
* OK, let me get this off my chest: Getting up at 4am every morning to do this job… I really love it.
* Hmm. I’m going to start a website: Tell Me Your Secret Dot Com. I’ll listen to your secret and I won’t tell anyone. Ten bucks a pop.
* He teaches ethics at a business school? It’s not working.
* I’ve got to get this out: To my wife, if you’re listening, the missing bag of Halloween Snickers is in my tool box in the garage. Also, I hate Guy Fieri. Now I feel better.