MUMMY JUICE IDENTIFIED

You may have heard that last week, a construction crew in the historic port city of Alexandria in Egypt found a black granite tomb buried 16 feet underground. Inside were three decomposed mummies – skeletons, sitting in a pool of reddish liquid. So what does the internet immediately want to do? Drink the stuff. After rumors spread that the “mummy juice” contained medicinal or supernatural properties, locals were anxious to bottle and sell the stuff. A Change.org petition entitled “Let the people drink the red liquid from the dark sarcophagus” has attracted more than 16,000 signatures. “We need to drink the red liquid from the cursed dark sarcophagus in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die,” petition founder Innes McKendrick wrote. But authorities now have revealed the liquid was not “juice for mummies that contains an elixir of life” but actually – sewage water. Sewage from a nearby building had leaked into the sarcophagus through a small crack in one of the sides.
* Just the same, Monster Energy Drinks still wants the recipe. They figure it’ll taste better than what they’re selling now.
* Reddish sewage water? Do Egyptians eat a lot of beets?
* Sorry to introduce a shred of logic here, but how would mummy juice be the elixir of life when all mummies are dead?
* “Mummy juice. Part of this nutritious breakfast.”
* If this isn’t the plot of the next Indiana Jones movie, I’ll eat my hat.