FIVE-DAY SCHOOL WEEK IS BETTER THAN A FOUR-DAY SCHOOL WEEK

Sorry, kids… A recent study by a team at Oregon State University finds that a four-day school week just isn’t enough time to indoctrin– er, educate you. Study authors found that high schoolers participating in a four-day school week performed worse on a series of standardized math tests than their those sticking to a typical five-day schedule. However, the length of the week only seemed to impact math grades. Students in both four-day and five-day week groups displayed roughly the same reading scores.
* Let me get this straight: the less time you spend educating children, the less educated they’re going to be? Got it.
* There were no bribes from parents involved? Parents who’d rather not have their kids hanging around for three-day weekends?
* It’s not like the kids are going to notice, because the four-day-a-week kids can’t count to five anyway.
* How does the 4- versus 5-day week affect, say, gym class grades?