LOOSE COW TASED

In Parkman, Maine, Keith Cookson’s new cow jumped out of a trailer and went on the lam (* ha!) last Friday. Cookson spent most of the afternoon tracking it down. Finally, well into the evening, the cow ended up on a country road. Cookson called Animal Control for help; the advice he got was to shoot it dead, which Cookson did not want to do. But word eventually got to Deputies Kyle Wilson and Trevor Duby, who decided to try tasering it. The cow went down, but before the cow’s owner could tie up her legs it jumped back up again and trotted off. The deputies got into their car, drove alongside the cow and fired again. The cow went down, and this time the farmer was able to secure all of its legs, and they managed to get the cow loaded onto a trailer.
* Afterwards, everyone was in the mood for a grilled hamburger.
* You’d run away too if your owner’s name was “Cookson.”
* Cow tasering should be an event in the 21st century rodeo. Along with bull texting and bronco selfies.
* It’s about time we came up with something cooler than cow-tipping.
* They don’t get much big news up there in Parkman, Maine, do they?
* Oh, they’ll be talking about this for generations.
* In fact, 2016 is already being called “The Year the Cow Got Away.”
* Animal Control’s advice was to shoot it dead? Sounds like they’re coming off their own bad experience with a cow.
* They also sound like the laziest public servants in the history of ever.
* “Now get off the line so I can go back to my nap.”
* The cow will still be fine for the marketplace, except all the steaks will be well done.