SO YOU’RE GOING TO PRISON!

So you’re going to prison. What do you pack? Former inmate Alex Cavendish, a British man, served a four-year prison sentence for a first-time, non-violent offense. He says that as an ex-prisoner, one of the most frequent questions he gets asked is “What should I take with me to jail?”
– Top of anyone’s list should be a good strong pair of flip-flops. “Believe me, once you have seen the state of most prison showers you will understand why no one wants to step anywhere barefoot.”
– The second highly recommended item that you won’t regret packing is a pair of foam earplugs. Almost all men snore and since it is highly likely that you’ll end up sharing a cell in our seriously overcrowded jails, getting some sleep can be difficult if the stranger you are bunking with rattles like a freight train. Earplugs also help deaden the worst of the shouting and banging that you get on most prison floors.
– Luxury items in your prison might include a robe (not black in color and no hood) and a decent-sized towel from home. Prison-issue towels are tiny and can be as rough as sandpaper. In a world where comfort and privacy are lacking, these little things can make a big difference.
– You can also have two pairs of sneakers – one for everyday wear, the other for the gym.
– Take a few books that you really want to read. The greatest enemy of any prisoner is boredom and during your first few weeks inside you are likely to spend hours, or even days, just sitting or lying around in your cell.
– A small address book containing all the addresses and phone numbers of family, friends and your legal team – basically anyone you want to stay in touch with.
– Photos of family members and friends. Small tokens of the outside world can really help in such a lonely place.
* Your prison may vary.
* Here’s what I expected to be on the list:
– Lube
– The largest roll of small-denomination bills you can fit up your butt
– Assorted size corks
– Knee pads
– Jumbo bottle of hand sanitizer
– A doctor’s note saying you have herpes, genital herpes, tuberculosis, black plague, and lice
* Other items you might want to take include a rope ladder and a good hacksaw.
* Oh great. So we even have lifestyle coaches for prison now.
* Of course, you can also get a fake passport and make a run for it.
* Gee, this doesn’t even cover selecting the right prison nickname.
* Martha Stewart also recommends bringing some potpourri to decorate your cell.