FRIDAY, Apr 19 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, April 19, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BICYCLE DAY

GARLIC DAY

HUMOROUS DAY
The Giftypedia website says this:
“Humorous Day is a day to find the humor in any situation that happens to be thrown our way. A day to remind us to see the bright side and to realize that most things are really not as important as they at first may seem.”

NATIONAL AMARETTO DAY

NATIONAL HANGING OUT DAY

OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING COMMEMORATION DAY

PET OWNERS DAY

April is:

Adopt a Greyhound Month
Car Care Month
Celebrate Diversity Month
D.E.A.R Drop Everything and Read Month
International Guitar Month
Jazz Appreciation Month
Keep America Beautiful Month
National Card and Letter Writing Month
National Garden Month
National Humor Month
National Poetry Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

ORIGINAL “STAR TREK” ENTERPRISE MODEL FOUND, RETURNED

The first model of the USS Enterprise — used in the opening credits of the original “Star Trek” television series — has been returned to the family of creator Gene Roddenberry decades after it went missing. This is a 3-foot model used in the show’s original pilot episode as well as the opening credits of the series. (A larger 11-foot model is on display at the Smithsonian’s Air and Space Museum.) The model vanished in the 1970s after Gene Roddenberry loaned it to makers of “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” for reference. It wasn’t seen until last fall when it popped up for sale on eBay, which caused a stir. The sellers quickly took it down, and then contacted Dallas-based Heritage Auctions to authenticate it. Last weekend, the auction house facilitated the model’s return to Gene Roddenberry’s son, Rod, who says, “This is going to get restored and we’re working on ways to get it out so the public can see it and my hope is that it will land in a museum somewhere.”
* Alright, settle down Indiana Jones. It’s just a model. You can turn on TV Land and there it is, every night.
* Do you get the feeling it’s been sitting on the back of Elon Musk’s toilet for the past 30 years?
* If you listen very carefully, you can almost hear Scotty saying “This is as fast as she’ll go! I canna give ya n’more, Captain!”
* “Rod” Roddenberry? The man who created Vulcans and Klingons and Landrew and Uhuru and Pon Farr, and the best name he could come up with for his son is “Rod”?
* Also missing is the original space station from “Deep Space Nine,” but, honestly, who cares?

THE BUZZ

THINGS I LEARNED WAY TOO LATE IN LIFE

Huffington Post asked readers for some of the things they’d once believed up until very recently. Some of the responses:
– “I recently learned where Alaska is actually located.”
– “I read Archie comics growing up and I thought ‘Reggie’ was ‘reggae.’”
– “That other people can’t hear tinnitus.”
– “I now know the ‘l’ in salmon is silent.”
– “That I don’t have to hit ‘shift’ before and after capitalizing a letter on a standard keyboard.”
– “Tapioca pudding is not fish eggs. My mom told us it was so we wouldn’t eat her pudding.”
– “That the underwear goes under, not over, the pantyhose. I thought that’s how you held them up. I was 40!”
* PHONE TOPIC: What did you learn way too late in life?

MODERN “DATING” EXPRESSIONS

Cheaters website Ashley Madison has come up with some new “dating” terminology. If you’re jumping back in the “dating” pool, here are the expressions you should know:
– Call of Booty: When you’re playing juvenile dating games.
– Kenning: When men learn that their modern woman isn’t necessarily monogamous.
– Game of Tones: When your different partners each have a unique ringtone.
– Fireside Fling: A romantic partner you connect with to get through the gloomy, cold winter period.
– Scandovellian: Where cheaters are villainized, while the people who are cheated on benefit socially from the affair.
– Mapping: Arranging a meet-up with an affair partner outside the monogamy boundaries of your marriage or relationship.
– Ghostercoaster: The experience of having a romantic partner who disappears and reappears intermittently.
– RendezTwo: An ongoing sexual or romantic arrangement between two consenting couples.
– Hush Haven: A location where you and your affair partner commonly meet.
– Freewheeling: The feeling of engaging in non-monogamous sexual or romantic experiences without guilt or shame.
* And also “Loser” – someone who’s monogamous, or doesn’t cheat.
* So Ashley Madison is a dating site for comedy writers now?
* These sound like the ideas they tossed out of the writer’s room on “Sex and the City.”
* There’s no expressions for when your partner finds out you’re cheating, ’cause it’s not usually a super-funny situation.

U.S. NEWS

TESLA TRUCK BRICKS AFTER GOING THROUGH CAR WASH

The new Tesla Cybertrucks have been making news for awhile now, mostly because they are crap. There has been story after story of the stainless-steel, futuristic-looking vehicles rusting out in the rain, getting stuck on sand, windshields cracking and steering wheels failing. The latest story comes from a TikTok user who said he ran his Tesla truck through a car wash to rinse off some sand after a visit to a beach. When he pulled out of the wash, the car bricked. Screen went dead, wheels locked – it totally shut down. He did what Tesla owners must do – file a service ticket. The solution from the company the next day was to hold down two buttons in the car which trigger a complete system reboot, requiring five hours to complete.
– Meanwhile, it was noted that Tesla warns the truck should never be washed in “direct sunlight” due to possible corrosion in the stainless steel. The car has a special “Car Wash Mode,” which closes all windows and disables wipers. Drivers are told to use only touchless car washes that don’t make contact with the Cybertruck’s surface. The company’s manual reads: “Damage caused by car washes is not covered by the warranty.”
* And this is from the guy that wants to send everybody to Mars. Imagine the warranty exclusions on THAT trip.
* Those Little Tyke toy cars are sturdier and more dependable than a Tesla truck. And they get better mileage.
* Hmm. How much to convert a Cybertruck to gasoline?
* If you want to be a schmuck / get yourself a Cybertruck.

THE WALLET STOPPED THE BULLET

A New York man’s life was saved when his wallet stopped a bullet. The unidentified victim was in his car Wednesday morning at his apartment in Coram, Long Island, when a gunman unloaded multiple rounds into the vehicle. One of the bullets became lodged in the wallet, which the man kept in his shirt pocket – but he was amazingly not injured at all. Police said the shooting was targeted. No arrests had been made as of Thursday.
* See? Paper money still has a use.
* This is why you don’t wear a fanny pack.
* On the downside, it totally shredded his punch card at Jersey Mike’s, and he only needed two more subs to get a free one.
* Multiple rounds, and no injuries. Nobody wants to take the time to learn a craft anymore.
* Let’s see you do THAT, Bitcoin!

FISHERMAN THOUGHT FRIEND WAS GOING TO FEED HIM TO BIGFOOT

On Wednesday, an Oklahoma fisherman named Larry Sanders (* Hey now!) was found guilty of first degree murder in Pontotoc County District Court. Sanders was found guilty of choking his friend to death because he believed his friend was going to feed him to Bigfoot. The story, according to police: The 55-year-old Sanders had been fishing for catfish by hand with his high school buddy Jimmy Knighten, 52, in July 2022. Sanders believed he spotted a 12-foot-tall Sasquatch swimming in the water downstream. The friends got into a argument. When Knighten shouted, Sanders thought his friend was summoning Bigfoot to come eat him. Sanders told the court he suspected Knighten was planning on drowning him and floating his body downstream to feed to Bigfoot. Sanders grabbed his pal by the throat and strangled him until he turned blue and died – while Bigfoot watched, he claimed. Sanders then raised his hands in victory to show Bigfoot and all the other Sasquatches that he’d won the fight.
* (pause) APRIL FOO—- no, just kidding, this really happened.
* The lesson here is, don’t do meth when you’re on mushrooms.
* What an idiot. Bigfoots NEVER swim in water. That’;s why they stink so bad.
* “Now what kind of friend would I be if I fed you to Bigfoot?” That one sentence could have saved his life.
* Bigfoot, meet Smallbrain.

NASA CONFIRMS A PIECE OF THE SPACE STATION FELL ON FLORIDA HOME

NASA confirmed an object that crashed through the roof of a Florida home was indeed garbage jettisoned from the International Space Station. The cylindrical object crashed through Alejandro Otero’s roof in Naples, Fla., on March 8. The object was taken by NASA to be examined, and the space agency has now confirmed it was indeed the remains of a 5,800-pound cargo pallet of depleted nickel hydride batteries that was jettisoned from the ISS in March 2021. The 1.6-pound piece, measuring about 4 inches long, was identified as “a stanchion from the NASA flight support equipment used to mount the batteries on the cargo pallet,” NASA said.
* At least is wasn’t a frozen bag of astronaut poo.
* So, NASA, are you going to fix the hole in that guy’s roof? Hello? NASA? Hello? Anybody, hello?
* Can Alejandro at least have it back to sell on eBay?
* Does all the stuff from the space station just naturally want to return to its home in Florida?

COLORADO ROCKIES NOT SO BIG NOW, ARE YA, PUNK?

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has been taking some new measurements of mountain peaks in Colorado. The state is famous for its 14ers – 58 peaks that are over 14,000 feet tall. The new measurements show that all of them are now about a yard shorter than previously thought. For example, the tallest Colorado peak, Mt. Elbert, was 14,439 feet but is now 14,437 feet tall. The lowest peak is Huron Peak, which was 14,012 feet but is now officially 14,004.1 feet, just four feet over the limit. NOAA says the new data is now accurate to within a couple of inches, or up to 20 times more accurate than the previous measurements.
* Stupid erosion!
* Maybe we’re all just getting taller.
* This explains why I’ve been getting to the top of those 14ers so fast.
* Wait – I thought everything in the universe was expanding?
* Your Oceanic and Atmospheric dollars at work, folks.

TRENDING

TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM LEAKED EARLY

Taylor Swift’s new album, “The Tortured Poets Department,” was supposed to drop today (Friday April 19) but it seems to have leaked early on the internet. Some fans went online to say they refused to listen to the leaked tracks, because they don’t believe the singer would have sanctioned such a “leak.” There are those that would suggest that the leak came from the record company, to insure that the album receives a big publicity push. There is also the possibility that the tracks could have been phony AI-created songs.

KATE PIERSON OF B-52s SELLING A CAMPGROUND

Kate Pierson of The B-52s has announced that she’s selling a 5-acre campground that she owns. “Kate’s Lazy Desert” is situated 15 miles from Joshua Tree in southeast California. The site offers “spectacular desert views of Goat Mountain and beyond.” And, it comes with six Airstream trailers which have cute names like Kate’s Hairstream, Planet Air, or Tiki. Permitting allows you to operate the property as a motel, trailer park, or campground. Kate’s Lazy Desert is listed for $452,000.

DICKEY BETTS, ALLMAN BROS. BAND GUITARIST, DIES

Dickey Betts, guitarist and original member of the Allman Brothers Band, died Thursday in Osprey, Florida. He was 80. In 1969, Betts and bassist Berry Oakley of the Florida band the Second Coming joined members of two other groups — guitarist Duane Allman and his keyboard-playing brother Gregg of the Hour Glass; and drummer Butch Trucks of the 31st of February. They brought in Mississippi-born drummer Jai Johanny Johanson, and the Allman Brothers band was born. Betts contributed to the band’s long-running concert staple “Blue Sky,” and he wrote what became the Allman’s best-known song “Ramblin’ Man.”

DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADER DOCUMENTARY COMING TO NETFLIX

Netflix has announced a new docuseries about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, called “America’s Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.” It will premiere on the streaming service this summer. The series will show the drive, hustle, and drama among the cheerleaders and coaches. Producer Greg Whiteley said. “To their infinite credit, the Cowboys offered unfettered access for the year we filmed the DCC and left us alone. The result is an authentic portrait of one of the most storied and beloved institutions we have in American pop culture.”

NETFLIX ADDS 9 MILLION CUSTOMERS AFTER PASSWORD SHARING CRACKDOWN

Netflix blew past Wall Street expectations for the second straight quarter on Thursday as they reported 9.3 million new customers. The company is crediting two things: their decision to crack down on password sharing, and their new ad-supported plans, which cost less than half the normal subscription price but you get commercials. Analysts had expected Netflix to gain roughly 5 million subscribers around the world during the quarter. The additions brought Netflix’s total subscribers to 269.6 million at the end of March. Netflix appears to be one of the few streamers that keeps gaining customers and building profit.

STARBUCKS ANNOUNCES MORE ECO-FRIENDLY CUP

Starbucks said Thursday it will help cut down on plastic waste with new disposable cups that contain up to 20% less plastic. The cups are set to be rolled out to stores in the U.S. and Canada starting this month. The company spent the last four years developing the new containers. Engineers tested thousands of iterations to see how much plastic they could remove while still making the cup feel sturdy. Said Amelia Landers, Starbucks’ vice president of product innovation: “We feel like it’s industry-leading. It’s the best expression of a cold plastic cup.”

OZEMPIC = WEIGHT LOSS = PREGNANCY

An increasing number of women are reporting unplanned pregnancies while taking popular anti-obesity and diabetes drugs like Wegovy and Ozempic. This is just the latest in a growing list of potential side effects — both positive and negative — patients and physicians have reported as the weight loss drugs have taken off in the past couple of years. Doctors are still trying to figure out what effect, if any, the drugs may have on fertility, but there have been more than a few cases reported of unplanned pregnancy.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Friday – Flag Day
June 16, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 20, Thursday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 4:50 P.M. EST)

BIRTHDAYS

Ali Wong (actress, “American Housewife”) … 42
Hayden Christensen (actor, “Star Wars: Attack of the Clones,” “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith”) … 43
Kate Hudson (actress) … 45
James Franco (actor) … 46
Ashley Judd (actress, “Divergent” movies) … 56
Tim Curry (actor, “Spamalot,” “Rocky Horror Picture Show”) … 78

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I used to care about how I looked. Now I don’t care as much. Maybe it’s because I’m so handsome.”

(A) Quentin Tarentino
(B) Paul Giamatti
(C) James Franco

ANSWER: (C) James Franco

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2022 – U.S. inflation hit 8.5%, the highest since 1981, driven by a rise in gas prices, rent and food.
* At least we don’t have to pay for air. Yet.

2001 – The musical “The Producers” opened on Broadway.
* ‘Cause hey, if you can’t laugh at Hitler, what CAN you laugh at?

NOTED BUT NOT FIT FOR JOKES:
1995 – The bombing of the Oklahoma City Federal Building took place. 168 people were killed when a truck bomb exploded in front of the building.Convicted principal bomber Timothy McVeigh was executed on June 11, 2001; accomplice Terry Nichols was sentenced to 160 consecutive life without parole sentences; and Michael Fortier, an accomplice and key informant, was sentenced to 12 years in prison and fined $200,000. He was released for good behavior on January 20, 2006.

1993 – The 51-day siege of the Branch Davidian compound near Waco, Texas, ended as fire destroyed the structure after federal agents began smashing their way in.

1971 – Notorious criminal Charles Manson was sentenced to life in prison.
* For years, he still had a cult following. But then, so does Carrot Top.

1960 – Baseball uniforms began displaying player’s names on their backs.
* Which made the work of hecklers much easier.

1892 – Charles Duryea finished building the first American automobile, “The Buggyaut.”
* Which was quickly surpassed by “The Locomocarriage” and “The Moto-ambulawagon.”

1775 – The American Revolution began at Lexington Common, with the “shot heard round the world.”
* Followed by an even louder “Hey keep it down! People in Europe are trying to sleep!”)

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2014 – The White House refused to comment on a campaign to deport Justin Bieber from the US. Around 275,000 people had signed a petition on its website calling for the Canadian singer to be removed from the country.

2000 – Phil Collins won over $400,000 in a court case over royalties with two former members of his band. The judge ruled that they had been overpaid in error, but because the two musicians had no other income they would not have to pay it back.

1988 – Western pop music was allowed onto Chinese radio for the first time.

1988 – Sonny Bono was inaugurated as the Mayor of Palm Springs.

1986 – Prince started a two-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Kiss.” He also wrote the No.2 song “Manic Monday” by The Bangles, under the pseudonym “Christopher.”

1980 – For the first time ever, the top five artists on the U.S. country chart were all female: Crystal Gayle, Dottie West, Debbie Boone, Emmylou Harris and Tammy Wynette.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to research, the average person has at least one of THESE they haven’t used in 9 months. What is it?
A key

2. Every day more than 160,000 Americans lose THIS. What is it?
Their cell phone

3. About 15% of adults in America have gone to one of THESE. What is it?
A concert

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