FRIDAY, Sept 1 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, September 1, 2023
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NOTE: MORNING SIDEKICK WILL BE OFF ON MONDAY, SEPT. 4 FOR THE U.S. LABOR DAY HOLIDAY. WE WILL RETURN WITH PREP FOR TUESDAY, SEPT. 5

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

EMMA M. NUTT DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Emma M. Nutt Day celebrates the first woman telephone operator in America. Emma Nutt became the first woman telephone operator on September 1, 1878. She loved the job, and worked at it for 33 years. This special day celebrates the world of telephone operators. It was a very important job for many decades. Today, the position has been replaced by automation in telephone systems.”

NATIONAL CHERRY POPOVER DAY

NATIONAL CHICKEN BOY DAY
Wikipedia says this:
“Chicken Boy is a landmark statue on the historic U.S. Route 66 (North Figueroa Street) in the Highland Park, California area of Los Angeles. The colorful 22-foot tall fiberglass statue was recognized by California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger with the Governor’s Historic Preservation Award in 2010.”

NATIONAL NO RHYME (NOR REASON) DAY
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“National No Rhyme (Nor Reason) Day, observed annually on September 1, celebrates words in the English language which do not rhyme with any other words. Also known as refractory rhymes, these are words that poets try to avoid using in verse. Some unrhymeable words in the English language include: Orange, Month, Silver, Spirit, Chimney, Purple, Woman.”

September is:

Baby Safety Month
Better Breakfast Month
Chicken Month
Classical Music Month
Hispanic Heritage Month
Honey Month
Little League Month
National Piano Month
Self Improvement Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

CHRISTINE COSTNER ARGUES CHILD SUPPORT: “LUXURY IS IN THE KIDS’ DNA”

Kevin Costner and his estranged wife Christine are currently in court in Santa Barbara, California, for a child-support hearing. On Thursday, the court was hearing Christine’s request for $161,592 per month in child support — up from the $129,000 she’s currently receiving from Costner and higher than Costner’s proposal of $60,000 per month. Christine shares three children with Costner: sons Cayden, 16, and Hayes, 14, plus daughter Grace, 13. As part of her argument, Christine’s attorney said of the children that luxury is “in their DNA at this point,” listing all the sports they are involved in and houses the family owns.
* The poor kids are going to have to cut out bowling league.
* Send those kids up to the Yellowstone ranch so they can learn what real work is.
* $161,592, ’cause 162 thousand would be unreasonable.
* That’s about 2 million a year … Costner’s worth $400 million … he’d be wiped out … in 200 years.
* Christine needs a ride to the train station, if you know what I mean.

THE BUZZ

STUDY: SOCIAL MEDIA IS FOR SISSIES

A study from the University of Dayton, published on website “TheConversation,” found that men who often post online are viewed as “more feminine” compared to men who rarely post on socials. Researchers ran a series of experiments in which respondents were asked to evaluate a “normal, average, ordinary” man who either frequently or rarely posts on social media. Respondents consistently rated the man as more feminine when he was described as a frequent social media poster. Using an identical scenario to describe a woman’s posting behavior had no effect on how feminine people thought she was. Researchers were unable to determine why this unique prejudice was happening.
* It’s because real men don’t like blabbing about their problems. Duh. I was on a group chat discussing this very thing last night.
* Were the men wearing makeup in their profile pictures?
* So, guys – if you want to appear more masculine when you’re posting, include more fart jokes.
* Have these researchers been on social media in the past 10 years? You have to have the fortitude of Hercules to handle most of the comments.

STUDY: YOU’RE LESS LIKELY TO DIE WITH A FEMALE SURGEON

Two new studies, published Wednesday in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that the gender of a surgeon does impact results. The studies in total looked at 2.2 million surgeries performed on residents of Ontario, Canada. They found that patients treated by male surgeons were around 25% more likely to experience severe complications over the next year, and 50% more likely to die over that time period, than those treated by a female surgeon. Researchers said the results should cause male surgeons to reconsider their surgery methods and learn from their female counterparts.
* Like, for example, don’t have the football game on in the O.R. during surgery.
* Male surgeons are also prone to saying, “Meh, there’s always a couple a parts left over after these things.”
* This explains all the bad Yelp reviews.
* The most important thing male surgeons don’t do that female surgeons do: Ask For Directions!
* So female surgeons are … a cut above. Any way you slice it.

U.S. NEWS

WOMAN STABS GRAMPA AFTER HE ASKS HER TO SHOWER

A woman in Keithville, Louisiana was arrested for allegedly stabbing her grandfather in the face for asking her to take a shower. Detectives say 22-year-old Carrington Harris and her grandparents began arguing after they asked her to shower. She began damaging property inside the house and then turned the power off from outside. While the couple was trying to restrain Harris, she grabbed a knife from the kitchen, using it to stab her grandfather. She is currently being held without bond.
* The little stinker!
* Her cellmates asked that she be put in solitary confinement.
* Grampa didn’t ask her to shower with him and grandma, right?
* How bad did she stink, on a scale of 1 to the “Flash” movie?
* The grandparents probably got sick of Young People’s Smell.
* This story brought to you by Febreze.

BANK ROBBER HAD SON IN THE BACK SEAT OF GETAWAY CAR

A Michigan man was arrested for armed bank robbery. Police say William Davis used a gun to rob a Comerica Bank in Livonia, and sped away in his black Chevy Blazer. Authorities later located the car at a church parking lot. Inside the car was the bank cash, a handgun, a hooded sweatshirt, a bank robbery note, and Davis’ 4-year-old son. Davis told the police he was taking his son to the park.
* The really, really expensive park.
* Did I miss Take Your Kid To Work Day again?
* It’s sad when not even a bank robber can afford a sitter these days.
* Cops say they’re not gonna let the kid slide.
* When you take your kid on a bank robbery, do you say, “Gimme all your cash, and lollipops!”

BACKYARD VOLLEYBALL GAMBLING RING BUSTED

In Milford, Massachusetts, two people are facing charges for allegedly running a large-scale illegal gambling ring centered around backyard volleyball. Police said Luis Loja-Caguana paved over his entire backyard and turned it into two full-size volleyball courts. He allegedly collected and placed bets during matches. The other person, Zoila Castro, ran a full-size concession stand, selling alcohol illegally and without permits. Police said the prize money would be in the thousands of dollars. They seized about $10,000 in cash during the arrests. Neighbors who say they’ve been dealing with lights, noise and cars are hoping for some peace.
* It’s volleyball. Nobody raises a racket in volleyball.
* Neighbors must have got sick of hearing, “5 serving 3! Rotate!”
* It wasn’t even bikini beach volleyball, from the pictures.
* Thousands of dollars? Imagine if it had been pickleball.
* Well, back to dealing fentanyl.

AUDIO: COLLEGE PROFESSOR HAD A CLOWN-FACE FETISH

A college geography professor who had worked at two colleges was fired from a third college when somebody noticed he had a fetish for clown faces. Professor Joseph Tokosh claims he didn’t hide his clown fetish or deny that he sometimes recruited female students as subjects, so he could put clown makeup on them. He posted regularly about it on social media. He once wrote, “If anyone is looking for some extra cash, I am looking for people to practice facepainting on! I will literally pay you!” It was student journalists at Nicholls State University in Louisiana who fully exposed his behavior in the school paper.
– In one case, when Tokosh was teaching at at Kent State University, a female freshman named Sophie encountered Tokosh in a Facebook group intended as a gathering place for new students. Tokosh had offered cash to anyone willing to let him paint their faces. Sophie, then 18, agreed. But when he insisted he come pick her up and take her to the building that housed the geography department, where he would paint her face, Levan stopped responding. Tokosh got angry and kept pressuring her, she said, which led her to file a police report.
– Tokosh told the Nicholls University newspaper that he did have an assignment where students were required to paint their faces, that face painting was a requirement in his cultural geography class to better understand other cultures.
* And now he has sad clown face. (see audio clip below)
* The big shoes weren’t a giveaway during the job interview?
* Dude. College is too expensive for clowning around.
* I guess his parents were Juggalos. (intense fans of Insane Clown Posse.)
* The class clown usually isn’t the teacher.
* What a bozo.
CLIP: Sad trombone “Wah-wahhh.”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/FailureMusic-WahWahWahhh(dot)mp3

ASSAULT WITH A LOLLIPOP

On Wednesday, police in Clearwater, Florida arrested a man at a Family Dollar store after he assaulted a store manager with a lollipop. Police say that Dalton Reed, 24, was in line waiting to check out when he got into a “verbal argument” with the store manager. As the dispute escalated, Reed allegedly threw a lollipop at David Johndrow, striking him the chest. Reed was arrested for simple battery and possession of drug paraphernalia.
* Do we have to say it was a sucker punch?
* The lollipop was loaded – with sugar.
* They were arguing over how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
* What a Dum-Dum.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

IKEA: CUSTOMERS PREFER THE MAZE

A few years ago, IKEA wanted to attract new customers by simplifying its floor plan. In 2018, the Swedish furniture giant launched a series of smaller urban outlets in Shanghai and Austria without the maze-like layout. IKEA thought customers would prefer a quick in-and-out shopping experience. But… it failed. The new spaces didn’t generate the sales bump that IKEA expected. Interviews with customers and feedback surveys made it clear that shoppers preferred the original labyrinth floor plan.
* Why not? It’s a great opportunity to lose the kids for an hour.
* How about making it a corn maze?
* I don’t really care. When I’m looking for something at IKEA, I just use Google Maps.
* Dang – now I’m hungry for those meatballs.

GOLDEN TOILET BOWL THIEVES CAUGHT

UK cops think they’ve caught the people who stole a fully functioning gold toilet worth $6 million. The 18-karat potty was created by Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan, who named his toilet “America” to reflect the excess of the U.S. It was once displayed at New York’s Guggenheim Museum, where people could actually use it. The golden throne was s’wiped nearly four years ago when it went on display at Winston Churchill’s childhood home, Blenheim Palace, in England. Now police have arrested seven suspects — a 38-year-old woman and six men — on suspicion of handling stolen goods. Despite the possible breakthrough, the gold toilet has yet to be found — and experts fear it may have long since been melted down.
* Yeah, I’ve eaten at Taco Bell, too.
* It’s been melted and sold through a gold dealer. That’s right – He who smelted it, dealted it.
* A solid gold toilet. Finally one that deserved the name “throne.”
* Six suspects, yet they still can’t locate the john dough.
* Were the detectives searching for it called Looky Loos?
* How did detectives track down the toilet thieves? We aren’t privy to that information.

TRENDING

PERFORMERS AT THE VMAs

The performers for MTV’s VMAs are being lined up. Lil Wayne, Doja Cat, Kelsea Ballerini, Anitta with Tomorrow X Together, Demi Lovato, Karol G, Måneskin and Stray Kids are the announced performers set to hit the stage on Sept. 12. MTV said additional performers will be announced soon.

TAYLOR SWIFT “ERAS” CONCERT FILM COMING IN OCTOBER

You paid the equivalent of a used car to see her live, now watch the movie: Taylor Swift has announced a film of the Eras concert tour is coming out Friday, Oct. 13. Swift posted a trailer on Instagram, saying, “The Eras Tour has been the most meaningful, electric experience of my life so far and I’m overjoyed to tell you that it’ll be coming to the big screen soon!” Ticket prices are based on Taylor Swift songs: Adult admissions are $19.89, while children and seniors are $13.13 (unless you’re watching it in Imax/Dolby, where you will be charged even more). The concert film runs 2 hours and 40 minutes, which is about 50 minutes shorter than the actual concert itself.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 15, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 9, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Monday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Tuesday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Zoe Lister-Jones (actress, “Life in Pieces”) … 41
Ricardo Antonio Chavira (actor, “Selena: The Series,” “Desperate Housewives”) … 52
Charlie Robison (Country singer-songwriter) … 59
Gloria Estefan (singer) … 66
Phil McGraw (talk show host, “Dr. Phil”) … 73
Barry Gibb (singer, The Bee Gees) … 77
Lily Tomlin (comedian, actress, “Grace and Frankie”) … 84

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Nothing’s funnier to me than laughing at myself.”

(A) Donald Trump
(B) Vladimir Putin
(C) Phil McGraw

ANSWER: (C) Phil McGraw

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2007 – Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, announced that he would resign in the wake of fallout over his guilty plea in a Minnesota airport bathroom gay sex sting. (Craig later reversed his decision, saying he would serve out the rest of his term.)
* ‘Cause slinking away just wouldn’t be manly.

1998 – J.K. Rowling’s book “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” the first book in the Harry Potter series, was released in the U.S.
* The money poured in like magic!

1939 – World War II began when Germany invaded Poland.
* It was starting to look like this Hitler person might not be very nice.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2011 – Green Day’s Billy Joe Armstrong was thrown off a Southwest flight because the singer was wearing his pants too low. A flight attendant had approached Armstrong and told him, “Pull your pants up or you get off the plane.”

2005 – Barry Cowsill, bass guitarist for The Cowsills, died from injuries caused by Hurricane Katrina. His body was not recovered until December 28th, 2005, from the Chartres Street Wharf, New Orleans. He was 51.

1984 – After a 25-year career, Tina Turner had her first solo No.1 single in the U.S. with “What’s Love Got To Do With It.” The song was offered to Donna Summer, who stated she sat with it for a couple of years but never recorded it.

1983 – The other three members of The Clash, who claimed he’d “drifted apart” from the original idea of the group, fired Mick Jones, their lead guitarist.

1977 – Blondie, featuring former Playboy Bunny Debra Harry, signed their first major record company contract with Chrysalis Records.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 8% of men have seen a doctor for THIS. What is it?
A runny nose

2. Over 30,000 men in American are injured each year doing THIS. What is it?
Cooking

3. On average, about 30% of men’s clothing purchases have THIS in common. What is it?
They were purchased by women

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