FRIDAY, Aug 11 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, August 11, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL RASPBERRY TART DAY

PRESIDENTIAL JOKE DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Presidential Joke Day – presidents have a sense of humor, too. Many people believe this is a day to make jokes about the president. On the contrary, this day is for presidents to make a joke. On this day in 1984, President Ronald Reagan made a doozie. On August 11, 1984, just before his regular Saturday radio address, President Reagan was doing a voice test with the microphone. He thought the microphone and the feed was not live. He joked into the microphone: ‘My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.’ To his surprise, he was speaking to a live feed! This incident led to the creation of ‘Presidential Joke Day.’ However, we do not think American presidents will make it a habit to perform jokes on, or to, the American public on this day, or any other.”

SON AND DAUGHTER DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Son and Daughter Day is a day to spend with your children. After all, your son and daughter are the joy of your life. We hope that everyone reading this has the opportunity in their life to see these joys born and raised happily, and successfully. Today is a great day to spend with your son and daughter. It’s not a day of gift giving … except for the gift of time. If your son and daughter are still young and live at home with you, be ever aware that time goes by quickly. So, spend as much of today and every day in their company.”

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

THE BUZZ

THE LEAST SAFE TOWNS IN THE U.S.

A new study from website The MoneyGeek has revealed the Least Safe Towns in the U.S. The study analyzed the cost of crime and ranking the small cities and towns nationwide in every state. It took into account crimes such as murder, rape and aggravated assault as well as property crimes such as burglaries and car theft. Here are the Least Safe Towns in the U.S.
1. Pine Bluff, Arkansas: With a population of 39,670, it had a crime cost per capita of $9,071, a violent crime rate of 2,067.1, a property crime rate of 5,863.4 and a cost of crime of $359,866.
2. Monroe, Louisiana: cost of crime of $363,433.
3. Houma, Louisiana: cost of crime of $250,394.
4. Alexandria, Louisiana
5. Wilmington, Delaware
6. Texarkana, Texas
7. Petersburg, Virginia
8. Saginaw, Michigan
9. Youngstown, Ohio
10. Flint, Michigan
11. Salisbury, North Carolina
12. Portsmouth, Virginia
13. Aiken, South Carolina
14. North Little Rock, Arkansas
15. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
* Let me get this straight: if you want to commit a crime in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, you first have to pay $359,866?
* I get the focus on crime making towns unsafe, but what about, for example, fires, like in Maui?
* And what about dangers to your health, like the concentration of McDonald’s locations?

The Safest Towns:
1. Yorktown, New York: cost of crime of $1,553.
2. Mason, Ohio: cost of crime of $1,619.
3. Andover, Massachusetts: cost of crime of $1,888.
4. Southlake, Texas
5. Arlington, Maryland
6. Princeton, New Jersey
7. Hampden Township, Pennsylvania
8. Carmel Hamlet, New York
9. Needham, Massachusetts
10. Greenwich, Connecticut
11. Westfield, New Jersey
12. Rexburg, Idaho
13. Sammamish, Washington
14. North Andover, Massachusetts
15. White Lake Township, Michigan
* Hold on – the town of Houma, Louisiana just mugged Mason, Ohio.
* What this tells me is Yorktown, Pennsylvania is ripe for the pickings.
* What if the cost of crime is low because the town is full of thrift stores?

U.S. NEWS

AUTOCORRECTING TEXT LEADS TO POLICE RAID, ASSAULT

In Coopersburg, Pennsylvania, a disabled woman texted a friend about her health issues back on Feb. 8. The woman was awaiting surgery to both hips, including a right hip replacement. She struggled to walk and climb stairs. She texted her friend, “I think I just [S-H-blank-blank] myself.” But instead, the text autocorrected to erroneously say, “I think I just shot myself.” The alarmed friend called 911 and asked the police to go check on her. When police arrived, the woman – having trouble walking – wouldn’t answer the door and told police through the speaker on her Ring doorbell that she didn’t need help, that the text message was wrong. Police insisted on seeing her in person. So they waited. First, they put a sticker over the doorbell camera, so their actions wouldn’t be recorded. After two hours went by, the woman cracked open the door to see whether police had left. That’s when police grabbed her, dragged her outside, put her in restraints and “smashed” her face into the front door. The woman didn’t have a coat on, but police wouldn’t let her back inside unless she allowed police in, too. Police went in and found her legally-owned gun in the home. After staying with her in the home for two hours, police took her to a hospital where she was held for 11 hours until she was released without restrictions. The woman has filed a lawsuit claiming her civil rights were violated, along with suffering pain and continued psychological distress.
* Sounds like those cops are in a shotload of trouble.
* Obviously, the whole case stinks from the get-go.
* I guess the autocorrect algorithm means that more people shoot themselves than crap their pants. And I imagine some people shoot themselves, and THEN crap their pants.
* Maybe I’m weird, but if I had an accident in my pants, I wouldn’t run to the phone to text my friends about it.
* Woman: “I think I just shot myself.” Friend: “I have a feeling that if you shot yourself, you’d definitely know it.”

MOM’S LAST REQUEST: SMOKE POT AT MY FUNERAL

A man named Joe Butler has written a piece for the SpokenFavs website about having recently attended a funeral for a friend’s mother. As everyone gathered, the family started handing pre-rolled cannabis joints and lighters to each guest when they entered. One of the woman’s requests was “when I die, I want everyone at my funeral to smoke pot together.” So her daughter made this happen at the Spokane-area funeral home. Butler says no one had more than a few puffs at the designated time, but it really turned into a nice, touching gesture to honor her wishes and celebrate her memory.
* Or what was left of it after a lifetime of pot.
* Mom loved weed – that was just the way she rolled.
* The woman and the mourners went to a higher place.
* “Sorry, but I have asthma. Instead of a joint, could I have a double bourbon?”
* I bet they held the wake in the snack aisle over at the Quick Mart.
* Somebody pass this story to Willie Nelson.

84-YEAR-OLD MAN RIDES EVERY MILE OF AMTRAK

An 84-year-old man name Nat Read says he’s now ridden every mile of Amtrak train tracks. That’s about 21,000 miles. Mr. Read said he didn’t set out to do it, but about four years ago he was looking at a map and realized how close he was to completing the entire network. He took out a colored marker and noted each leg he hadn’t yet finished. Then he went and rode it. Pulling into the last station in Brunswick, Maine, he said they made an announcement about his feat, and people were lining up to have their picture taken with him.
* These “people”… were they wearing white coats?
* It sounds like a challenge, but in reality he just couldn’t remember where he was supposed to get off.
* It sounds so romantic, seeing all of America, in a sideways blur.
* Congratulations, Mr. Read, on achieving a really, really big carbon footprint. The planet thanks you.
* A joke: So, a guy is riding the train. Suddenly, the car begins shaking violenty, jerking left and right, bouncing up and down… Finally, evrything becomes smooth again. When the train pulls into the station, the guy asks the conductor, “What happened back there?” Conductor says, “Oh – we hit a lawyer.” The guy says, all that shaking and turbulence from hitting a lawyer?” The conductor says, “Yeah, he was in a ditch, but we got ‘im.”
* The last thing the conductor said was “End of the line!” which, when you’re 84, is not really something you want to hear.

MIAMI BEACH SAND: 137 DEGREES

The Miami Herald sent a reporter out with a a handheld infrared thermometer to record some temperatures in the blazing heat that has taken over the state. Here’s what they found:
– Sand in South Beach was a scorching 137 degrees
– Rubberized playground flooring was 177 degrees
– A swing seat registered 131 degrees
– The turf at a soccer park was 131 degrees
– A concrete walkway near Biscayne Bay measured 130 degrees
* Hot, yes, but it’s a dry hell.
* Fried clams on the menu today, fresh off the beach!
* Technically, the rubberized playground flooring is no longer there – it turned into a liquid and ran down the storm drain.
* On the bright side, you can go outside and get a tan in about 30 seconds.
* If you’re going outside, take along a spatula to pry up your melted sneakers.
* It’s hot in Florida! Not exactly Pulitzer Prize material, but thanks, Miami Herald!

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

SUPERMARKET CLOSES OVER FEAR OF ERECTION SPIDER

An Austrian supermarket – The Penny shop in Krems an der Donau – was evacuated on Tuesday after the store manager reportedly spotted a venomous spider in the bananas. The four-inch black and red spider is believed to be a highly venomous Brazilian Wandering Spider, whose bites can be fatal after causing hypothermia, blurred vision, convulsions and, in some cases, erections. The spider’s venom is even being studied for use in erectile dysfunction treatments after it was found that a bite from one of the spiders can give male victims a painful four-hour erection. (* Which is hardly the kind of reaction you’d want.) An exterminator has been called and the banana crates in the store have been sealed, but reports say the shop will likely remain closed until next week.
* Are they going to be open any sooner? That’s a hard no.
* If the supermarket is closed for more than a week, consult your doctor.
* If you’re going to Krems an der Donau and you’re looking for The Penny shop, it’s the one with the long line of men out front.
* So, that venom would make a confusing drug. “Attention – Need help with erections? Try Venomix. Warning: Side effects may include erections.”
* Hmm. A great erection, but you could die. That’s a tough call.
* A four-inch black and red spider. Like the one that bit Peter Parker. If THIS spider had bit him, Peter Parker’s spider powers would have been completely different.
* “Remember, Peter, with great erections comes great responsibility – to avoid STDs.”

SCREAMING BABIES ATTRACT CROCODILES

New research from The Royal Society, an independent scientific academy of the UK dedicated to promoting excellence in science for the benefit of humanity, has found that crocodiles are “attracted” to the shrieking cries of terrified infants. (* Well thanks for telling me NOW!!!) New data released by the Royal freakin’ Society says, basically, that crocodiles respond to specific acoustic features like the high-pitched screams of babies, in addition to screeches from bonobos and chimpanzees. The research suggest that crocodiles are sensitive to the degree of distress in the vocalizations.
* If there’s one adjective I wouldn’t use for crocodiles, it’s “sensitive.”
* I just noticed, they don’t explain how they came up with these findings.
* So when you take your baby swimming in Australia, or the Nile, just explain to them why they shouldn’t scream.
* I think I’d also stay away from vuvuzelas.
* “Hey, I need a new pair of boots along with a matching belt. Can I borrow your baby?”

TRENDING

REBEL WILSON INJURED WHILE FILMING

Actress Rebel Wilson is healing after an on-set accident resulted in her having to get stitches. Wilson shared an update on her Instagram, saying that while recently filming a fight sequence last week in Savannah, Georgia, she was hit in the face with the butt of a gun. In the video, the injury to her nose was quite apparent, but Wilson added that she’s “all good” now.

MICK FLEETWOOD’S RESTAURANT IN MAUI DESTROYED BY THE FIRE

Mick Fleetwood’s Hawaii restaurant, Fleetwood’s on Front Street, was just one of the businesses destroyed by the Maui fire. Fleetwood opened Fleetwood’s on Front Street in 2012. He posted on social media: “This is a devastating moment for Maui, and many are suffering unimaginable loss. Fleetwood’s on Front Street has been lost and while we are heartbroken, our main priority is the safety of our dear staff and team members. We are committed to supporting the community and those affected by this disaster in the days and months and years to come.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 15, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 9, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Monday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Tuesday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Chris Hemsworth (actor, “Extraction” movies, Thor in “Avengers” movies) … 40
Rob Kerkovich (actor, “NCIS: New Orleans”) … 44
Joe Rogan (comedian, actor, podcaster “The Joe Rogan Experience”) … 56
Viola Davis (actress, “How To Get Away With Murder,” “The Help”) … 58
Joe Jackson (singer/songwriter) … 69
Hulk Hogan (former pro wrestler, real name Terry Bollea) … 70
Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple) … 73

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“The closer you are to death, the more alive you feel.”

(A) Michael Caine
(B) Clint Eastwood
(C) Chris Hemsworth

ANSWER: (C) Chris Hemsworth

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2006 – The Transportation Security Administration banned all liquids, gels and aerosols from passenger cabins on airliners one day after a thwarted terrorist attack.
* For a small fee, flight attendants could get you a squirt of hand lotion from the pilot.

1995 – President Bill Clinton banned American nuclear tests, saying he was worried about dangerous emissions.
* Yeah – they can leave a stain.

1984 – U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his weekly radio broadcast when, while testing the microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union: “My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.”
* He couldn’t just stick with “Testing … one … two … three …”

1972 – The last American troops were withdrawn from Vietnam.
* And as they flew out, the first film directors flew in.

1951 – The first baseball game to be televised in color was broadcast.
* Finally, you could see and appreciate the many mellow shades of brown of the tobacco juice spit.

1934 – Alcatraz prison, in San Francisco Bay, received its first federal prisoners.
* “Gee, look how brand new and nice and clean everything is! This won’t be so bad!”

1866 – The world’s first roller rink opened in Newport, Rhode Island.
* It’s so BIZARRE what people did for fun before drugs and television!

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2014 – 5 Seconds of Summer were at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with their debut studio album. The Australian rock band achieved the biggest first-week sales for a debut album by a group since Daughtry’s self-titled album in 2006. 5 Seconds of Summer were also the first Australian act to achieve a U.S. No.1 album with their debut album.

2010 – Singer Fantasia Barrino, former “American Idol” winner, was admitted to a North Carolina hospital after a drug overdose of aspirin and a sleep aid.

2002 – Bruce Springsteen started a two-week run at No.1 on the US album charts with “The Rising,” his fifth US No.1.

2001 – The lineup for Ozzfest in Holmdel, New Jersey: Black Sabbath, Linkin Park, Slipknot and Marilyn Manson.

2000 – Madonna gave birth to a baby boy Rocco Ritchie at The Cedars-Sinai Hospital, Beverly Hills.

1999 – Kiss arrived on Hollywood Boulevard to unveil their star on The Walk Of Fame. The band had released over 30 albums and sold over 80 million records world-wide.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to a survey of doctors, the three things that cause the most household accidents are chainsaws, hot soup and THESE. What are they?
Area rugs

2. A recent study named THIS as the #1 recreational activity that lands people in the ER. What is it?
Doing yoga

3. In an average year, over 200 people in America die while doing THIS. What is it?
Watching TV

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