MONDAY, July 31 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR MONDAY, July 31, 2023
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TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

COTTON CANDY DAY

MUTT’S DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“It’s Mutt’s Day. Mutts deserve their day in the spotlight, as much as a pure breed. If you own a mutt, or you are a mutt (reading this), then you know this day is for you. By definition a mutt, sometimes called a “Half-breed”, is a dog that is of mixed breed. They come from two to several breeds. Purebred owners, and sometimes the public in general, view them as lesser in many ways. Mutt owners know better. They value the diversity and uniqueness of their mutts. Sure, a mutt doesn’t carry the expensive price tag that a purebred with papers has on its head. To the mutt owner, however, the mutt is invaluable. In addition, mutts don’t walk around needing to prove anything. You won’t see them strutting around any dog shows trying to prove they are the best. To all mutts and and mutt owners, we hope you thoroughly enjoy Mutt’s Day. Spend the day relaxing and doing all the things you and your dog like to do. Do so with both of your chins held high. For your mutt is worth a million bucks!”

NATIONAL AVOCADO DAY

NATIONAL RASPBERRY CAKE DAY

July is:

Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month
Air Conditioning Appreciation Month
Baked Bean Month
Cell Phone Courtesy Month
Family Reunion Month
International Blondie and Deborah Harry Month
National Anti-Boredom Month
National Blueberries Month
National Grilling Month
National Hot Dog Month
National Ice Cream Month
Melon Month
Wild About Wildlife Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

A-LIST STARS GET PLASTIC SURGERY DURING ACTORS STRIKE

What does an actor do during the actor’s strike? Get plastic surgery. Dr. Ben Talei of the Beverly Hills Center for Plastic Surgery claims he’s working 7 days a week, because actors are using the downtime to go under the knife and recover without being noticed or missing work. Dr. Talei says A and B-listers are swarming his office, along with some of his favorite sports stars.
* Also, Sylvester Stallone is taking a break from plastic surgery, and that opens a ton of time for other actors to get work done.
* Maybe they figure if the studios are going to turn them into a permanent computer figure, they ought to look their best for posterity.

BARBIE AUDIENCE SUFFERS THROUGH FART SOUNDS

A woman named Blaire Erskine, a staff writer for “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” posted a tweet about how she went to see the Barbie movie, and two women in the row in front of her played fart sounds throughout the whole movie. Erskine wrote, “Finally went to see ‘Barbie’ last night and the women in front of me did this the whole movie lmao,” showing a picture of a phone screen with an apparent library of “fart sounds” with “over 1,000 farts.” She added, “I’m not a monster! But I couldn’t CRY during the big MONOLOGUE because all I heard! was! 1000! farts. I just wanted to cry in the dark at the movies, is that too much to ask?” Erskine wrote a follow-up post. “Also I did laugh the first couple of times!”
* The reason it’s so funny, you see, is that Barbie farting is an anatomical impossibility.
* Is she certain the sounds were coming from a phone app?
* Maybe this could become a thing. Have a special showing once a week where you can add fart sounds to whatever movie you’re watching. Imagine Oppenheimer presses the button for the A-bomb and all you hear is “Pttttttthhhh!”

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites.

MONDAY, July 31

Season Premieres:
The CW – “Bump”
The CW – “Run the Burbs”
FX – “Breeders”

WEDNESDAY, Aug 2

Season Premieres:
Apple TV+ – “Physical”
CBS – “Big Brother”
CBS – “Superfan”
FX – “Reservation Dogs”

THE BUZZ

BEST STUDY IN THE WORLD SAYS CHOCOLATE CUTS RISK OF DEATH

At last a study that tells us exactly what we want to hear: chocolate can cut the risk of early death by up to ten per cent. Researchers arrived at their findings by studying the health records from 84,709 post-menopausal women in the US over a 19-year period. They found chocolate-eaters were less likely to die of heart disease and some cancers compared with people who never indulge. And women who eat almost an ounce a day had the least risk of dying young from any cause, it concluded. The findings support previous studies suggesting antioxidants in cocoa beans help repair damaged cells in the body. Cocoa is also known to lower blood pressure and stop fat buildup in arteries.
* And it regenerates hair and keeps your breath fresh.
* That’s great, now do donuts!
* If just an ounce a day keeps you from dying young, I’m going to live forever.
* If chocolate is so good, why don’t Swiss people live to like 200?
* Why do they always wait until it’s 100 degrees out to tell you to eat chocolate?
* They should start calling them Hershey Kisses of Life.

U.S. NEWS

FLIGHT ATTENDANT SAYS ANGRY PASSENGER CHASED HER HOME

A flight attendant for American Airlines claims that an unhinged passenger chased her home from the airport. Elizabeth Braley recounted the ordeal in a TikTok video. She said she had just finished an international flight and was listening to music with her window rolled down. “This red sedan pulls in front of my Jeep and cuts me off… So I got into another lane because she’s driving crazy. We’re going 80 miles an hour … we’re on the interstate.” Braley pulled all the way to the right, and the woman finally pulled up next to her, screaming, “F— your airline!” and starts throwing [stuff] out of her car, hitting the side of Braley’s car. (* Is she sure this was a passenger and not a flight attendant from another airline?) Braley said she sympathized with travelers who are upset about flight delays and cancellations, but said, “I have nothing to do with that. I just work for them.”
* “It’s just my job to deny you comfort and pleasure during your flight. I don’t make the rules.”
* She was probably also not crazy about the music Braley was playing in her car.
* This is what happens when you don’t let them have an extra bag of peanuts.
* Where’s the episode of deep vein thrombosis when you need it, ammirite?

AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE WOULDN’T STOP

A packed ride at Rye Playland in Westchester, New York malfunctioned last week. The ride was the Music Express; riders sit in little cars, two or three across, and they race round in a circle, first going forward and then backwards, usually while Aerosmith’s ‘Sweet Emotion’ plays really, really loud. But the ride got stuck in backwards mode and continued running in reverse for 10 minutes. Ride operators at the amusement park tried to use the emergency stop to halt the machine, but it didn’t work. Maintenance crews then came to the rescue and did the thing you’re screaming at your radio right now, which is pulling the plug. No injuries were reported.
* No injuries, but boy, was there a lot of barf.
* And suddenly, every kid in the park yelled, “I wanna go on THAT one!”
* Rye Playland’s new slogan is “Non-stop Fun!”
* “Sweet Emotion” should stop playing in their heads by Christmas.

NEW YORK TO END KETCHUP PACKS

New York City has eliminated the practice of restaurants automatically including utensils, condiments and napkins in takeout orders. New legislation aimed at reducing waste in the city takes effect today (Monday, July 31) requiring takeout and delivery establishments to skip the automatic inclusion of utensils, condiment packets, napkins, or extra containers unless specifically requested by the customer. The penalties for failing to comply with the rules – including a ketchup pack unasked, for example – will come with a $50 fine, the second notice with a $150 fine and the the third notice (and any that follow) with a $250 fine. According to the city, 38 million pounds of single-use plastic are collected from the city’s residential waste streams each year, with an additional “tens of millions” more from commercial establishments.
* That’s almost more plastic than all the Kardashians combined.
* Use your fingers, ya damn dirty animals!
* To prove you asked for ketchup, a plastic fork and a napkin, you will need to submit three individual signed and notarized requests and photo I.D.
* So who needs a fork and ketchup for pizza anyway?
* This is the slippery slope that ends with no toilet paper in public bathrooms.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

WOMAN’S LIFE SAVINGS EATEN BY TERMITES

In Kelantan, Malaysia, a woman was devastated to find her entire life savings had been completely eaten by termites. According to her grandson, the unnamed woman had reportedly squirreled away RM30,000 (around $8,700) in a box for a pilgrimage to Mecca in 2024. But when she tried accessing her stash, she saw that the banknotes had been chewed to shreds by termites. The grandson tried to salvage the situation by sending half of the pillaged bills to the Central Bank of Malaysia with the hopes of getting them replaced although, he claimed, the other half were beyond salvaging.
* Yeah, let’s just take a look at those “half” that are beyond salvaging, sonny boy.
* Your life savings chewed by termites. That bites.
* Too cheap to spring for a can of Raid?
* She probably hid the money to keep it from the tax collector. Termites, taxman, same difference. In the end they take your money away.
* Then her wooden house collapsed.

INDIAN GIRL CUTS POWER TO VILLAGE TO MEET HER BOYFRIEND IN SECRET

The people of Bettiah, a village in India, were concerned about the power outages that were happening almost every night. The local electric company couldn’t find a problem, so some of the locals stood watch in the village and found the culprit. A local girl, Priti Kumari, had fallen in love with Rajkumar, a young man from a rival village, and she kept cutting the power in the village so no one would see him sneak into the village to visit her. The village rivalry was strong, and several young men started attacking the boy, who then took his revenge on the assailants with the help of friends from his own village. But in the end, in order to avoid further violence and power outages, the people of the two villages decided that the young couple should marry, so their wedding was made official at a local temple.
* What the hell century is this?
* Ah, the classic story of Romeoparkash and Julietbiswaddy.
* It probably wasn’t a good idea to put a big electric switch in the middle of town labelled “Pull To Cut All Power.”
* How ugly was this guy that she wanted the lights off during sex?

TRENDING

CARDI B HIT WITH CUP OF LIQUID DURING SHOW

Rapper Cardi B is the latest artist to become a target for the audience. Ann audience member tossed a cup of liquid at Cardi while she was performing in Las Vegas Saturday. Cardi threw her microphone at the person. She was soaked in the incident at Drai’s Beachclub, but it is unclear if the microphone made contact with its intended target. Security led the cup-tosser out of the venue.

TIM MCGRAW: NO FIREWORKS AT MY SHOWS

Tim McGraw revealed the one thing that fans should never expect to see at his concerts: Protechnics. McGraw told Entertainment Tonight, “I’m not a big pyro guy. I’m scared to death. I know myself enough that I move around all over the place and sure enough I’ll be standing right over one of those things when it goes off. We don’t need that. I’d light my ass on fire.”

FOX MOVING EMMY AWARDS TO JANUARY

Fox TV is moving the Emmy Awards to January next year due to strikes by writers and actors in the United States. The ceremony was originally slated to be telecast on Sept. 18. According to the LA Times, the January date is contingent on a resolution to disputes between the studios and guilds before then.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE (July 28-30)

1. Barbie – $93 million
2. Oppenheimer – $46 million
3. Haunted Mansion – $24 million
4. Sound of Freedom – $13.8 million
5. Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part 1 – $10.6 million

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 15, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

B.J. Novak (actor, writer, “The Mindy Project”, “The Office”) … 44
Zac Brown (Country singer, guitarist, Zac Brown Band) … 45
Dean Cain (actor, “Supergirl”, “Lois and Clark”) … 57
J. K. Rowling (British author of Harry Potter books) … 58
Wesley Snipes (actor, unsuccessful tax dodger) … 61
Mark Cuban (businessman, investor, owner of Dallas Mavericks, “Shark Tank”) … 65
Dirk Blocker (actor, Detective Hitchcock on “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”) … 66

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“The fame thing is interesting because I never wanted to be famous, and I never dreamt I would be famous.”

(A) Lady Gaga
(B) Kim Kardashian
(C) J.K. Rowling

ANSWER: (C) J.K. Rowling

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2008 – Scientists reported the Phoenix spacecraft confirmed the presence of frozen water in Martian soil.
* So Mars is even more like Minnesota than we thought!

1964 – An American satellite making a lunar fly-by sent back the first close-up pictures of the Moon.
* “Look! Grey rock, craters … more grey rock … more craters … how much did we spend on this again?”

1922 – 18-year-old Ralph Samuelson of Minnesota rode the world’s first water skis.
* He also received the world’s first water wedgie.

1845 – Adolph Sax invented the saxophone.
* Finally there was a great instrument to play when a sultry woman entered a room.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2012 – Appearing at the Helsinki Olympiastadion in Finland, at the end of a European tour, Bruce Springsteen broke his previous record with a show lasting 4 hours and 6 minutes.

2006 – Former Culture Club singer Boy George (O’Dowd) was ordered to do community service by picking up trash on New York City streets after pleading guilty to false reporting of an incident. He called police with a bogus report of a burglary at his lower Manhattan apartment in October and the responding officers found cocaine inside.

1999 – Christina Aguilera scored her first U.S. No.1 single with “Genie In A Bottle.”

1999 – Wu-Tang Clan member Ol Dirty Bastard (real name Russell Jones) was arrested for crack and marijuana possession in New York after being stopped by police for a routine traffic offense.

1980 – Jon Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas was apprehended by FBI narcotics agents for possession of cocaine. He was later sentenced to 250 hours community service giving anti-drug lectures.

1971 – A security guard was stabbed to death during a concert by The Who at New York’s Forest Hill Stadium.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. THIS is more likely to happen at work on a Monday than on any other day of the week. What is it?
Getting a work-related injury

2. Research shows that office productivity increases by 7% when bosses do THIS. What is it?
Buy pizza for everyone

3. In a recent survey, workers named THIS the rudest thing people do around the office. What is it?
Gossiping about other coworkers

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