WEDNESDAY, July 5 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, July 5, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Spot The Savings

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BIKINI DAY (The “modern” two-piece swimsuit debuted on this date in 1946.)

NATIONAL APPLE TURNOVER DAY

NATIONAL GRAHAM CRACKER DAY

July is:

Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month
Air Conditioning Appreciation Month
Baked Bean Month
Cell Phone Courtesy Month
Family Reunion Month
International Blondie and Deborah Harry Month
National Anti-Boredom Month
National Blueberries Month
National Grilling Month
National Hot Dog Month
National Ice Cream Month
Melon Month
Wild About Wildlife Month

THE BUZZYOU’RE GETTING OLD

Reddit asked, “What’s something that makes you realize you’re getting old?” Some of the responses:
– “Had to start scrolling a lot more on forms to get to my year of birth.”
– “Leaving the house is a chore.”
– “The music played at the supermarket includes songs from my teens and twenties.”
– “I don’t recognize a single athlete in any sports, and the ones I do recognize are all sports commentators on TV.”
– “My big toe on my right foot doesn’t work right.”
– “When I have to do math to remember how old I am.”
– “Everything makes noise when I stand up/sit down.”
– “Getting injured while sitting on the couch.”
– “I’m in a bad mood when I’m out of bird seed.”
– “I’m working with someone who only learned about 9/11 in history class.”
– “I’m only in college so I’m not actually old, but I had the weirdest feeling when I found out that people younger than me are playing professional sports.”
– “I don’t know what ‘rizz’ is.” (note: a slang term often used to describe someone’s ability to flirt and be charming.)
– “When I drop something on the floor I look at it for a long time to decide if I really need it in my life or not.”
– “I don’t mind tucking my shirt in my underwear. It actually works better.”
– “Stairs.”
– “Sneezing is like Russian roulette.”
* PHONE TOPIC: In what strange way do you realize you’re getting old?

U.S. NEWS

BOBCAT ATTACKS MAN SLEEPING IN HAMMOCK

A bobcat attacked a camp counselor sleeping in a hammock at a Connecticut state park Friday. It happened during a youth camping trip in Selden Neck State Park, an island in the Connecticut river. The counselor was sleeping around 2:30 am Friday when the bobcat attacked him. He and two other counselors were able to subdue the animal and kill it, officials said, although they did not say how that was accomplished. (* One too many s’mores, probably.) All three men were taken to a local hospital for treatment of various injuries inflicted by the cat during the encounter. The bobcat was taken to a lab to be tested for rabies.
* It didn’t have rabies. It was just being a dick.
* Either way, somebody’s getting a nice new rug.
* It doesn’t matter what kind of cat, they hate hate hate to see humans sleep.
* It probably jumped on his chest and said, “Wake up and feed me.”
* Maybe “Move over – I’m sick of sleeping on rocks.”
* And who’s the wise guy who brought the cat on the island? Cats hate the water; it didn’t swim there.

WOMAN STUCK IN MUD FOR SEVERAL DAYS

A woman in Massachusetts who had been missing for a week was found Monday stuck in the mud at a state park. Emma Tetewsky, 31, was last seen on Monday, June 26. A week later, on July 3, Tetewsky was found by Pinewood Pond in Stoughton, Massachusetts, by hikers who said they heard a woman screaming for help in a swamp-like area. They couldn’t get to her on foot so they called authorities for help.Three officers waded 50 feet from the shore, through thick brush and swamp, to get to Tetewsky. They believe she may have been trapped in the mud for at least three days. Tetewsky was conscious and alert, suffering serious but not believed to be life-threatening injuries, police said.
* And her skin was fantastic!
* You know what she said as they were pulling her out? “Wait – my sneakers!”
* It was sink or swim, except without the option to swim.
* Most people stop playing in the mud when they hit about four years old.
* They always said Emma was a real stick-in-the-mud.

NATHAN’S HOT DOG EATING CONTEST

An estimated 40,000 people showed up for Nathan’s World Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island on Tuesday. The women’s contest was held first. The winner: Miki Sudo, the No. 1-ranked female competitive eater, won with 39.5 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Sudo won last year’s title with 40 hot dogs and holds the women’s world record for eating 48.5 hot dogs in 10 minutes. (And guys – she’s single!)
Then, in the men’s division, Joey Chestnut, the world’s top competitive eater, shoved down 62 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes. Ranked No. 1 in the world of competitive eaters by Major League Eating, Chesnut has won all but one of Nathan’s hot dog eating contests since 2007.
* Afterwards, Joey and all the contestants went The Cheesecake Factory, ordered the entire menu and didn’t take anything home in a doggie bag.
* What are the two words you should never say when you’re at a restaurant with Joey Chestnut? “My treat.”
* How does this guy not have his own line of stretch pants?
* Just wondering – do people in the first couple of rows watching this thing wear vomit ponchos?

AUDIO: CHRISTMAS TREE SHOPS CHAIN OUT OF BUSINESS

Christmas Tree Shops, a well-known New England store chain, has filed for federal bankruptcy court filings and will liquidate all stores. Christmas Tree Shops took root on Cape Cod in the 1950s, growing across New England. New owners took over in 2020 when the company was sold by Bed Bath and Beyond (* Well there’s your problem right there.) Christmas Tree Shops sold home goods for every season.
* And yet, they named it CHRISTMAS TREE SHOPS. You just can’t pinpoint the problem, can ya?
* “Let’s go Christmas shopping.” “OK. how about Christmas Tree Shops?” “No, we already have an artificial Christmas tree. Let’s go somewhere else.”
* If only Santa had brought them a textbook on Marketing.
* Maybe Christmas Tree Shops can unload their stock at Tuesday Mornings—oops! They’re out of business, too. You gotta stop being so specific with the names, people.
* So the management of Bed Bath and Beyond and the people running the Christmas Tree Shops subsidiary studied the situation and concluded that splitting up would help both companies survive. Sad.
* (Morning Sidekick likes to tell the story of when he went to buy sneakers at a store called Just For Feet. The first thing you saw as you walked in were racks of T-shirts. Then running shorts and sweats. Then accessories. The feet stuff was way in the back. The store did not survive.)
CLIP: Then there are the businesses that take a perfectly good name and screw it up. Here’s our classic “Just Shower Heads” parody spot.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/JustShowerHeadsNameChange(dot)mp3

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

WORLD’S LONGEST RADIO BROADCAST: 55 HOURS

An Australia DJ broke a Guinness World Record by hosting a show that lasted for 55 hours and 26 minutes. Mario Bekes hosted his marathon talk show on Alive 90.5 FM, the station where he has been a host since 2009. He was not allowed to include music, commercials or calls from the public during his attempt. The broadcast included interviews with several guests and pieces of advice offered to the audience. A doctor was on hand to monitor Bekes’ health. The show’s final time of 55 hours and 26 minutes earned Bekes the record for longest audio-only live-stream, a record previously set at 53 hours and 1 minute by two British radio hosts in 2020.
* See? They set a world record and now no one remembers their names or even cares.
* One piece of advice offered to anybody listening: “Get a life.”
* I believe I’ve seen PBS pledge breaks that were longer that this.
* Wait’ll they get the bill for the doctor’s 55-hour house call.
* No commercials for 55 hours? Fire that sales manager!

PIG SEMEN MILKER SUFFERS PERMANENT WRIST INJURIES

An Australian woman whose job it was to ‘milk’ pigs for their semen says she has suffered a crippling wrist injury that has left her unable to work. Maxine, 31, started her job collecting pig semen for breeding top quality pork at the age of 18, but by 21 it had caused serious injuries in both her wrists. Now, ten years later, she is still suffering from ongoing pain, which has required major surgery and prevented her from working in other fields such as floristry, dry cleaning and demolition (* and calligraphy). She has difficulties with buttons and tying things up. She has to be careful not to put too much water in the kettle and can’t lift heavy items. She says the wrist injury was caused by having to hold the pig’s member still as the pigs move around quite a lot. She is now investigating legal action against her former employer’s insurer for loss of earnings, medical costs as well as pain and suffering. Maxine admits that, “I did ruin my hands wanking pigs and that is hilarious.”
* She also has pigs constantly following her around, which is really annoying.
* Three years. That’s more Yanks than fought at Gettysburg.
* Is this what they mean by “pulled pork”?
* She tried working as a train engineer, but it hurt when she pulled the whistle.
* Hold on, my phone is buzzing. Now why is my wife calling me right now?

TRENDING

LUKE BRYAN TEACHING 15-YEAR-OLD SON HOW TO DRIVE

Luke Bryan is currently teaching his son how to drive. On the “Kate & Company” podcast this week, Bryan said, “He’s 15, so he’s doing the whole learning permit nightmare. He is not a very good driver right now so we’re having to work with him pretty hard.” Luke said that it’s “very frustrating right now ’cause he thinks he knows how to drive, but he has no idea what he’s doing.” Bryan explained that Bo thinks “because he can operate a 4-wheeler or Polaris that he is quite proficient. He is not, I can assure you.”

TOBY KEITH PLAYS SURPRISE SHOW

Toby Keith has made good on his plans to return to performing amid his current battle with stomach cancer sooner than fans might have expected. After recently telling The Oklahoman that he’d planned to take gradual steps toward getting back on stage, the country star performed a hit-packed impromptu set Friday evening at his venue Hollywood Corners in Norman, Oklahoma, that lasted over two hours. Keith looking energetic, playing his guitar, and belting out favorites for the crowd.

LITTLE BIG TOWN TO HOST COUNTRY PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS

Country music group Little Big Town will host the first-ever People’s Choice Country Awards, set to air Sept. 28 on NBC. The band — comprised of Jimi Westbrook, Kimberly Schlapman, Karen Fairchild and Phillip Sweet — will also perform from a medley of their greatest hits as part of the two-hour celebration recognizing the best in country music, chosen entirely by the fans across various categories.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: (Jun 20-July 4)

These are five-day totals, Friday through Tuesday)
1. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny- $82.5 million
2. (tie) Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse – $14 million
2. (tie) Elemental – $14 million
3. No Hard Feelings – $9.5 million
4. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts – $8.7 million
5. Ruby Gillman, Tenage Kraken $5.3 million (this is a 3-day total, Fri-Sun)

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Dave Haywood (country musician, “Lady A”) … 41
Ryan Hansen (actor, “Veronica Mars”) … 42
Edie Falco (actress, “Nurse Jackie,” “The Sopranos” ) … 60
Huey Lewis (singer/songwriter/musician w/ Huey Lewis and the News) … 73

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I’ve never been all that interested or aware of what people are thinking about me or saying about me. I think that has kept me safest and sanest.”

(A) Britney Spears
(B) Kanye West
(C) Edie Falco

ANSWER: (C) Edie Falco

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2016 – James Comey’s FBI released a report stating Hillary Clinton had been “extremely careless” in handling classified emails, but did not recommend prosecuting her.
* He didn’t want to join the “Clinton Body Count.”

1998 – Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration with the launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars.
* The Japanese probe didn’t take many readings, but it took LOTS of pictures.

1989 – Former U.S. National Security Council aide Oliver North received a $150,000 fine and a suspended prison term for his part in the Iran-Contra affair.
* Then he went into radio, ’cause we’ll take anybody.

1946 – The first two-piece “bikini” swimsuit debuted in Paris.
* They took away all the material in the middle, and then charged more.

1865 – The U.S. Secret Service was established.
* So, not much of a secret, then.

1865 – The Salvation Army was formed.
* Later, their bell ringers would be among the first workers to discover repetitive stress injuries.

1643 – The first recorded tornado occurred – in Massachusetts!
* Why the weird weather? Scientists theorize early settlers might have initiated global warming with their cookstoves.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2019 – Madonna was at No.1 on the US album chart with her fourteenth studio album, “Madame X.” It became Madonna’s ninth No.1 album in the US.

2015 – The four surviving members of The Grateful Dead gave what they said would be their final performance, playing to over 70,000 fans at Chicago’s Soldier Field. The shows came 20 years after the death of lead guitarist Jerry Garcia, who played his last show in the nation’s third-largest city in 1995.

‎2003 – Johnny Cash made his last ever live performance when he appeared at the Carter Ranch. Before singing “Ring of Fire,” Cash read a statement about his late wife that he had written shortly before taking the stage: “The spirit of June Carter overshadows me tonight with the love she had for me and the love I have for her. We connect somewhere between here and heaven. She came down for a short visit, I guess, from heaven to visit with me tonight to give me courage and inspiration like she always has.” Cash died later that year on Sept 12th.

1995 – A viewing platform collapsed during a Grateful Dead concert in Wentzville, Missouri injuring about a hundred fans.

1989 – During a sold-out concert, Rod Stewart hit his head and knocked himself out in front of 15,000 horrified fans.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. In a survey of men over 30, almost half of them admitted being afraid of THIS. What is it?
Going bald

2. 57% of men surveyed said they cried after THIS happened. What is it?
After their partner accepted their marriage proposal

3. More than 1/4 of American men surveyed said they have no idea how to do THIS. What is it?
Turn on the dishwasher

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