MONDAY, May 22 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR MONDAY, May 22, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: RUMP NUMBER

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BUY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Isn’t it obvious how to celebrate Buy a Musical Instrument Day? If you are a musician in need of a new instrument, today could be a very good day indeed! If you have been considering taking up a musical instrument, today can be your starting point. And, the good news is you’re never too old to begin playing a musical instrument. Many senior citizens pick up musical instruments as a hobby. They even form senior bands, often playing in public. Okay … Just in case you haven’t figured out how to participate in this day … Go out and buy a musical instrument!”

NATIONAL MARITIME DAY
A United States holiday created to recognize the maritime industry. It is observed on May 22, the date in 1819 that the American steamship Savannah set sail from Savannah, Georgia on the first ever transoceanic voyage under steam power.

NATIONAL SOLITAIRE DAY
On this day in 1990, Microsoft included the classic card game Solitaire in Windows 3.0. Microsoft Solitaire successfully helped teach computer users how to use a mouse and, in the process, ended up becoming one of the most played video games in history. In 2012, Microsoft evolved Solitaire into the free Microsoft Solitaire Collection, which features five of the top Solitaire games in one app. Since then, the game has been played by over 242 million people and has become so popular that each year 33 billion games are played with over 3.2 trillion cards dealt.

NATIONAL VANILLA PUDDING DAY

WORLD GOTH DAY

May is:

Chip Your Pet Month / Pet Month
Date Your Mate Month
International Civility Awareness Month
National Barbeque Month
National Bike Month
National Egg Month
National Hamburger Month
National Military Appreciation Month
National Salad Month
National Salsa Month
Older Americans Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Thursday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites.

MONDAY, May 22

Season Premieres:
Acorn TV, AMC+ and BBC – “Happy Valley”
Apple TV+ – “Prehistoric Planet”

TUESDAY, May 23

“BAMA RUSH”
Max – New Documentary
Synopsis: Follows four young women as they go after their social dream of joining the University of Alabama’s exclusive sororities and explains why it’s so important to them.

“Gremlins: Secrets of the Mogwai”
Max – New Animated Series
Synopsis: A prequel to the 1984 film Gremlins and its 1990 sequel The New Batch, the series is set in 1920s Shanghai, East China and tells the story of how 10-year-old Sam Wing met Gizmo, a young Mogwai.

“SmartLess on the Road”
Max – New Docuseries
Synopsis: Follows SmartLess — the popular podcast with hosts Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett, and their special A-list guests — as it tours the nation.

“What Am I Eating? With Zooey Deschanel”
Max – New Food Reality Show
Synopsis: Follows the actress who – now as a mom – has become more concerned about the food she gives her family, as she explores common food mysteries, revealing the shocking truths behind manufactured food.

WEDNESDAY, May 24

“The Prank Panel”
ABC – Preview of New Unscripted Reality Show
Synopsis: Lets everyday people pitch pranks targeting family members, friends and co-workers to a panel of the world’s greatest pranksters. Johnny Knoxville, Eric Andre and Gabourey Sidibe form the all-star panel of “pranxperts,” taking viewers behind the scenes as they help to plot and plan elaborate and diabolical schemes.

“Platonic”
Apple TV+ – New Series
Synopsis: A duo’s friendship becomes more consuming-and destabilizes their lives in a hilarious way. Starring Rose Byrne and Seth Rogen.

“American Born Chinese”
Disney+ – New Series
Synopsis: A live-action adaptation of Gene Luen Yang’s graphic novel incorporating Chinese mythology with the rigors of fitting in at high school. Starring Michelle Yeoh and Ke Huy Quan.

“The Clearing”
Hulu – New Series
Synopsis: A woman is forced to confront the nightmares of her past in order to stop a secret cult intent on gathering children to fulfill its master plan.

Season Premieres:
FX – “Mayans M.C.”
Netflix – “The Ultimatum: Queer Love”

MAN SPENDS $21,000 FOR TAYLOR SWIFT TICKETS

How many things can you find wrong in this story:
Anthony Silva of Somerville, Massachusetts, bought Taylor Swift tickets for his 19-year-old daughter as a Christmas gift. He bought them through scalping website StubHub for about $1,800. The deal was, he would be sent the tickets the day before the concert, which was last Friday at Gillette Stadium. They never arrived. He contacted StubHub, and the company informed him that alternative tickets were not available. His daughter, Katlyn, threw a mini tantrum, “slamming stuff,” when the tickets didn’t arrive. He had also hired a limousine for the night. Now desperate, Silva switched to a different ticket re-seller and spent nearly $21,000 on four tickets.
* All I can think is, this guy must be a plumber or a lawn guy to have that kind of money.
* Is Katlyn 6’3″, 300 pounds, and a professional wrestler?
* And you just know the daughter came home saying she spent the whole concert in line to buy a Taylor Swift T-shirt.
* At least they’re honoring the true spirit of Christmas.
* PHONE TOPIC: Is any artist worth that ticket price? Why are these scalping companies still legal? What ever happened to just telling your kid, “Sorry, it didn’t work out.”

THE BUZZ

“JUST IN CASE” ITEMS

Reddit asked, What are some “just in case” items you keep on your person or in your car? Some of the responses:
– “A towel.” (* ‘Cause you never know when you might end up hitchhiking across the galaxy.)
– “I always have a couple of BandAids in my wallet. Many times one has been needed, usually by someone else, not me.”
– “A metal toothpick always on my keyring.”
– “Diapers and dog pads… for the kids, in the event of an explosive emergency.” (* For the kids. Sure. Whatever you say.)
– “My car has 6 gallons of water in it, just in case I need it.” (* I know you should hydrate but 6 gallons is a little nuts.)
– “Toothbrush. You never know!”
– “I carry a belt, in case I ever forget my belt at work.” (* Dude – why are you taking off your belt at work? To flog the interns?)
– “I keep an extra shirt inside a large zip lock style bag in case I spill coffee on my shirt during my morning commute.”
– “Lint roller, flossers, napkins, tissues nail clippers/file and umbrella.”
– “My bug spray has never disappointed me.”
– “In my pocket I have a multitool and a small set of lockpicks.” (* Cat burglar?)
– “Window punch.” (a lot of people said window punch for the car!)
– “In the car I always have a spare set of points and condenser, a fan belt, feeler gauge, test light, fuses, light bulbs, sand paper, some basic tools, a pencil, some wire, cable connectors, and a few other things I don’t remember at the moment. On long trips I also bring a spare coil, some oil, a spare fuel pump, gasket material and a phone charger.” (* This guy needs to get a car that doesn’t break down so much.)
– “A drone in case I get stuck somewhere in the dead of winter with zero cell service. I’ll just send a ton of SOS texts and put it on the drone and fly it until it gets signal and someone comes to help.”
* I always keep old fast food wrappers, in case I forget what it is I like.
* PHONE TOPIC: What do you keep on your person, or in your car, when you go out?

U.S. NEWS

DRUNK DRIVER HAD BOTTLES OF URINE

Last Wednesday in Cookeville, Tennessee, a man who crashed into a fence while driving under the influence was also found to have several bottle of urine in the car. Police said the driver, 32-year-old Dustin Grasty, was found in possession of several bottles of urine, pills, drug paraphernalia, and several debit cards with other peoples’ names on them. Police did not clarify where the urine came from.
* But I have a general idea, though.
* You can be a hoarder even in your car.
* Just in case he’s given an unexpected drug test?
* No one needs a drunk driver whizzing through the streets.
* This story has been brought to you by the letter P.

TEACHERS MARCH STUDENTS OUT OF “SCHOOL OF ROCK” OVER LANGUAGE

Two classes of students were marched out of the middle of a theatrical performance of the stage musical “School of Rock” because the musical contains a couple of naughty words. The Ritz theater company in Haddon Township, New Jersey, was putting on a matinee of the show for local schools. The theater did warn in advance that there is some adult language in the show. But during the intermission, teachers and chaperones confronted the theater staff about the language. Then, minutes into the second act, an actor used “the B Word” (* Burp? Bidet? Buckle? Bibliography?) and that’s when the Karens— er, grown-ups from Hartford Upper Elementary School and Kellman Brown Academy escorted their group of third-, fourth-, and fifth-grade students from the theater, disrupting the show. The theater has invited those children and their parents back for another performance, free of charge, without the chaperones. A spokesman for the theater said he did give the grownups specific examples of the language students could expect, such as “ass” and “douchebag.”
* Which were also the words he used when talking about the chaperones from the schools.
* I’m sorry – did this story somehow come to us from 1953?
* Yeah, trying to keep kids safe from vulgarity is a real b-word.
* So the kids all went home and watched “South Park.”

MAN ATTACKED BY SHARK ON LAND

On Friday, a fisherman in the Florida Keys was attacked by a shark – on land. The 35-year-old was fishing off a dock in Sumerland Key. The shark was on the dock with the fisherman when it took a bite of his foot. He had to be flown to a hospital for treatment. It’s unclear if the man, who was not identified, reeled in the shark or how it ended up on the dock.
* And they say fish have short memories.
* So, is this some new kind of shark that can breathe air? Or maybe it was a zombie shark?
* What’s that old saying? “Teach a man to fish, and the fish will eat you.”
* That’s why fishermen should never wear Bass shoes. BASS shoes. Shoes that are named after FISH.
* Yet another situation where a suit of armor would’ve helped.

INTERNATIONAL

CYCLIST CRASHES INTO BEAR

A Canadian man T-boned a black bear while biking through a park. Kevin Milner, 30, of North Vancouver, British Columbia, was rounding a corner and heading downhill in the Lower Seymour Conservation Reserve last Tuesday when he saw the bear and tried to cruise around him. But the bear ran across the road, right in front of him and he smashed into the bear’s shoulder blade did a flip over him and hit the ground. The bear took off through the woods. Passing cyclists immediately stopped and helped him. But then, the bear came back, surveyed the scene, and started eating grass. Milner ended up with a fractured scapula, cardiac contusion, bruised ribs and road rash. He calls what happened “the most Canadian, North Vancouver thing that could ever happen.”
* Only if he had landed on a moose eating poutine.
* The bear was probably waiting to exchange insurance information.

TRENDING

RUSSIA BANS OUR TALK SHOW HOSTS

On Friday the Russian Foreign Ministry released a list of 500 Americans that it says are now banned from from entering the country. On that list: ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, CBS’ Stephen Colbert and NBC’s Seth Meyers. Our talk show hosts have been permanently banned from Russia. Last year Russia banned Ben Stiller, Morgan Freeman and Sean Penn from the country. Other entertainers on the list: CNN anchor Erin Burnett, MSNBC hosts Rachel Maddow and Joe Scarborough, and former NBC News anchor Brian Williams.

EDDIE MURPHY AS INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU

Eddie Murphy is in talks to take the role of The Pink Panther’s Inspector Clouseau, the bumbling detective character created by Peter Sellers in the 1960s and 70s. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Murphy is set to be cast in a new Pink Panther film. The film is described as a “live-action/CG hybrid … buddy cop movie,” with Murphy’s Clouseau teaming up with the cartoon Pink Panther featured in the opening credits of the Pink Panther films. (* No way this idea can miss!!!) Steve Martin tried reviving the Clouseau character in two films, to limited success – they were sorta funny, but sorta nobody went to see them.

THE TEN MOST BORING STATES

According to people on Reddit, these are 10 of the Most Boring States in the U.S. According to Americans.
1. Nebraska – “Nothing but cornfields.”
2. Delaware – “A tax dodge masquerading as a state.”
3. Nebraska
4. North Dakota
5. Iowa
6. Ohio
7. Pennsylvania
8. Wisconsin
9. Idaho
10. Michigan

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: (May 19-21)

1. Fast X – $67 million
2. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 – $32 million
3. Super Mario Bros Movie – $9.8 million
4. Book Club: Next Chapter $3 million
5. Evil Dead Rises – $2.4 million

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 29, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Wednesday – Flag Day
June 18, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 21, Wednesday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 10:58 a.m. EDT)
July 4, Tuesday – U.S. Independence Day
Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Molly Ephraim (actress, “Last Man Standing”) … 37j
Naomi Campbell (supermodel, rage-a-holic) … 53
(Steven) Morrissey (singer, ex of The Smiths) … 64
Bernie Taupin (longtime lyricist with Elton John) … 73

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I’m capable of looking on the bright side. I just don’t do it very often.”

(A) Larry David
(B) Pope Francis
(C) Morrissey

ANSWER: (C) Morrissey

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2015 – Ireland became the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage by popular vote.
* They used to just be famous for same-sex drinking and fighting.

1992 – Johnny Carson hosted NBC’s “Tonight Show” for the last time after nearly 30 years.
* Forcing Ed McMahon to go get a real job.

1955 – The oldest man ever to drive in the Grand Prix raced, and finished 6th.
* He confused the other drivers by leaving his turn signal on.

1933 – Scotsman John Mackay reported the first sighting of the “Loch Ness Monster.”
* It turned out “The Loch Ness Monster” was just how he referred to MRS. Mackay.

1931 – Canned rattlesnake meat went on sale for the first time in Florida.
* They say it tastes just like canned chicken.

1906 – The Wright Brothers patented an airplane.
* That’s when things really started to take off.

1892 – Dr. Sheffield, a British dentist, invented the toothpaste tube.
* Ironically, most British have yet to use one.

1891 – Thomas Edison allowed a few members of the public into his workshop to see his latest invention, the motion picture projector. Edison showed a short movie of a polite man bowing, smiling, waving and putting on a hat.
* Meanwhile, it cost a buck to see the GOOD movies down in the basement.

1868 – The Great Train Robbery took place near Marshfield, Ind., as seven members of the Reno gang made off with $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds.
* $96,000? Today we’d call that The Piddley-Squat Train Robbery.

1841 – Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining chair.
* And then he just rested on his laurels.

1761 – The U.S.’s first life insurance policy was issued in Philadelphia.
* Good idea – the revolution was just around the corner.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2017 – A suicide bombing at Manchester Arena, England, following an Ariana Grande concert killed 22 and injured 59.

2011 – Four dead dogs in “sealed containers” were found in the Tennessee home of former Kiss guitarist Vinnie Vincent during an investigation that led to his arrest on charges of assaulting his wife.

2003 – A new statue of Jennifer Lopez was unveiled at Madame Tussauds in London. It was part of a new “A list” celebrity area that also featured Naomi Campbell and Samuel L Jackson.

2003 – Singer Ruben Studdard won 1st place on American Idol after 24 million viewers voted in the final. Studdard beat fellow finalist Clay Aiken in a tense live showdown.

2003 – The final manuscript of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, which was annotated by the composer, sold at an auction for $3.47 million.

1966 – Bruce Springsteen, at age 16, began his songwriting career in the back of a ’61 Mercury en route to a recording studio. He and George Theiss, the lead singer in Bruce’s first band, the Castiles, co-wrote “That’s What You Get” and “Baby I.”

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. In a recent survey, people named THIS the #1 thing that kills their productivity at work. What is it?
Having a bad night of sleep

2. According to a recent survey, the average office worker does THIS only three times a day at work. What is it?
Gets up from their desk

3. In a recent survey, close to 50% of people said they keep THIS a secret from their co-workers. What is it?
Their snacking habits

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