FRIDAY, May 19 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, May 19, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

HEPATITIS TESTING DAY

MAY RAY DAY
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“Today is a day to be outside, enjoying the sunshine and soaking up some rays. There are many ways to enjoy the outdoors and the warmer days as summer approaches. A picnic in the park, a walk along the river, volleyball in the sand, swimming at the beach, gardening, or just lounging on the deck are just a few ideas on how you may choose to spend National May Ray Day.”

NATIONAL DEVIL’S FOOD CAKE DAY

PLANT SOMETHING DAY

May is:

Chip Your Pet Month / Pet Month
Date Your Mate Month
International Civility Awareness Month
National Barbeque Month
National Bike Month
National Egg Month
National Hamburger Month
National Military Appreciation Month
National Salad Month
National Salsa Month
Older Americans Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

DISNEY SHUTTERING “STAR WARS HOTEL”

Last March, Disney launched their “Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser” hotel, an interactive, highly expensive — er, highly IMMERSIVE 3-day, 2-night experience adjacent to the Walt Disney World resort in Florida. Thursday, they announced they’re closing it in September. In a statement from Disney, they said that “this premium, boutique experience gave us the opportunity to try new things on a smaller scale of 100 rooms, and as we prepare for its final voyage, we will take what we’ve learned to create future experiences that can reach more of our guests and fans.”
* Translation: “Who knew the recession would hit rich people?”
* They will “reach more of their guests and fans” by changing the experience to a one-night stay in a tent on the barren sands of Tatooine.
* They must have lost their galactic asses.
* It’s bad news when the Tiki Room has more visitors than the Star Wars hotel.
* It didn’t help that Admiral Ackbar would stand outside the hotel screaming, “It’s a trap! A tourist trap!”

THE BUZZ

RENAMING THE USA

Reddit asked, “You have been asked to rename United States of America. What name would you pick?” Some of the responses:
– “Fifty Nifty United States from 13 Original Colonies”
– “The Somewhat United States of America”
– “Country McCountryFace”
– “New New England”
– “Oosa – USA”
– “Can’tada”
– “Mexicant”
– “Canada Pants”
– “The greater regional water reserve of Nestle”
– “England 2: Electric Boogaloo”
– “50 Shades of States”
– “Diabetoland”
– “Walmartica”
– “Other Countries Hate This One Little Trick”
– “Yankee doodle land-y”
– “Yankeedoodlestan”

THE BEST U.S. BEACHES

A university professor known as “Dr. Beach” has come out with his annual list of America’s best beaches for 2023. Stephen Leatherman, professor in the Department of Earth & Environment at Florida International University finds the best of America’s 650 public beaches. Leatherman uses 50 criteria to evaluate beaches including sand type, wave action, whether lifeguards are present, presence of wildlife, the level of development and crowding, and many other factors. This year’s winner: St. George Island just off the Florida Panhandle. It wins for natural beauty, lack of development, abundant activities including fishing, swimming, kayaking, cycling, camping and an unparalleled view of the night sky for stargazers. Here are his Top Ten Beaches:
1. St. George Island State Park, Florida Panhandle
2. Duke Kahanamoku Beach, Oahu, Hawaii
3. Coopers Beach, Southampton, New York
4. Caladesi Island State Park, Dunedin/Clearwater, Florida
5. Lighthouse Beach, Buxton, Outer Banks of North Carolina
6. Coronado Beach, San Diego
7. Wailea Beach, Maui, Hawaii
8. Beachwalker Park, Kiawah Island, South Carolina
9. Poipu Beach, Kauai, Hawaii
10. Coast Guard Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
* It must be nice to have tenure.
* Kansas is going, “Who do I have to sleep with to get on this list?”
* The best beach is the one it takes you the least amount of gas to get to.
* He’s smart to get this out there early before Shark Week hits.

THE MESOPOTAMIANS INVENTED KISSING – LOOK IT UP

The origins of kissing date back 4,500 years. Researchers from the University of Oxford and the University of Copenhagen say written sources from the earliest Mesopotamian societies show that kissing was already a well-established practice 4,500 years ago in the Middle East. The earliest documented evidence of a human kiss comes from Mesopotamia, the historical area that now encompasses present-day Iraq, Iran, Kuwait, Syria, and Turkey. The researchers say evidence comes from clay tablets and many thousands of these clay tablets have been preserved, clearly demonstrating that “kissing was perceived as a part of romantic intimacy in ancient times, just as it could form part of friendships and familial relations.” Further evidence notes that the tablets reference a disease with symptoms similar to the herpes simplex virus, which is spread by oral contact (* Thanks for the buzzkill). The study is published in the journal Science.
* Further evidence cites the Mesopotamians’ invention of Chapstick.
* Ancient travel guides also warn that Mesopotamia is the “mono capital of the world.”
* I would think kissing wasn’t invented until after the invention of the toothbrush.
* Kissing, sure, but leaving the money on the dresser was invented in Amsterdam.

U.S. NEWS

HORROR: STARBUCKS IS CHANGING ITS ICE

Starbucks is starting to change how it makes its ice. It is starting to change from the classic cube to a smaller nugget. Nugget ice is noticeably smaller and denser than cubes, kind of like crushed ice. A Starbucks spokesperson says the new ice machines “allow partners to focus on delivering the Starbucks Experience while hand-crafting the same delicious, high-quality iced beverages our customers have come to expect from Starbucks” (* WOW – Was that quote written by AI or what?) The move was met with joy and celebration by all!! No, just kidding. People are complaining, of course:
– “The recipes aren’t built for this type of ice, which will melt a lot faster and dilute the coffee and sweetness. The texture of the frappuccinos will also probably be a lot different.”
– “Nooo, I think the ice you guys have now is so perfect. So perfect I ask for extra extra ice because the coffee is easier to drink. This type of ice, in my opinion, is better for sodas or just plain ice water.”
– “I hate that type of ice. It melts too fast and they are not clear ice.”
* So, to summarize: Americans are complaining because the ice in their $5 coffees is shaped differently.
* This is just another encroachment on American freedoms, like communism and limiting hours on pickleball courts.
* Sure, they could have tested this with focus groups, but they’re Starbucks – resistance is futile.
* This could be the big opportunity Dunkin’ has been hoping for.
* The real reason for the change, as any astute person could tell you, is that chip ice packs better in a cup, meaning you need less coffee to fill the cup. Starbucks will be saving literally eights of dollars per year by doing this.

STUDENT PULLS ALIEN HOAX TO AVOID MATH TEST

In Hemlock, Michigan, there were reports spreading on social media Tuesday of aliens invading Hemlock Public Schools, with eyewitness reports of flying saucers landing on a playground. The Michigan school district said the news spread on social media was a hoax, although many concerned parents contacted the school district for clarification. The superintendent’s office said the rumor was started by a student who wanted to get out of taking a math test. The student has been disciplined.
* Excellent.
* This incident is going the student’s permanent X-file.
* “Commander, we have crossed 3,000 light years of space and dropped out of warp above the planet Earth. Where shall we begin the invasion?” “Don’t be a fool! We invade Hemlock, Michigan, of course!”
* What’s with “many concerned parents” contacting the school district? Really, people??
* It’s dumb, but hey – math is hard!

FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED FOR STEALING GALAPAGOS TORTOISES

An arrest was made Tuesday in the abduction of two rare Galapagos tortoises from a Florida alligator farm. They were stolen last November from the St. Augustine Alligator Farm. A tip led investigators to the home of a 46-year-old St. Petersburg man. One of the tortoises was roaming the yard, but the other was dead and stuck in a freezer. The pair were brother and sister and it’s the female that did not survive. A cause of death has not been revealed. (* Shell-shock?) They were part of a captive breeding program for endangered species at St. Augustine Alligator Farm.
* Maybe don’t try to breed them with alligators?
* The dead one was put in a freezer. Mmmm – tortoise slushies!
* Police got the tip in February but they were, like, “They’re turtles. No rush.”
* Breeding with a brother and sister? Are they hillbilly tortoises?
* The great thing about turtles is, when you make soup, they come with their own serving bowl. Just sayin’ is all.
* Sorry for the tortoise story, folks, it’s a slow news day. TORTOISE!!! SLOW!!!

DISNEY CANCELS BILLION DOLLAR EXPANSION IN FLORIDA

Disney has canceled a $1 billion plan to expand its Orlando, Florida, operations amid its escalating war with Gov. Ron DeSantis. Disney CEO Bob Iger announced the change of plans on Thursday. The plan was for a large office complex near Walt Disney World that would have brought more than 2,000 jobs to the region, plus more than 1,000 employees to be relocated from their Southern California offices. The employees were mainly from their prestigious Imagineering team, which works to develop theme park attractions. Disney’s latest move demonstrates how far the company is willing to go in their battle against DeSantis and his anti-LGBTQ agenda.
* Who looks goofy now?
* DeSantis is going to learn that LGBTQ also stands for Loser Governor Better Try Quitting.
* He’s been making some pretty strange moves for a guy who hopes one day to be in the Disney Hall of Presidents.
* His spin will be: “Hey! I kept 1,000 Californians from moving here!”
* It sounds serious, but Disney can make a billion just raising its ticket prices for six months.

TRENDING“INDIANA JONES 5: THEY DIDN’T MESS IT UP”

The upcoming “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” got its premier at the Cannes film festival, and while movies there are usually screened before an adoring audience, the early buzz on this one is: they didn’t screw it up.
– Says one audience member: “Redemption! Action, laughs, charm…just everything that makes him great.”
– “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny was good, fun and really an Indiana Jones Movie. Fans will love it.”
The film got a six-minute ovation after it was over (which, frankly, is not unusual. Those people would applaud a bowl of soup.) Also, star Harrison Ford received an honorary Palme d’Or for lifetime achievement of just being Harrison Ford.

RAFAEL NADAL RETIRING FROM PRO TENNIS, EVENTUALLY

Rafael Nadal has withdrawn from the French Open because his hip injury has not healed and said he expects 2024 to be his final year in professional tennis. The 36-year-old Spanish player says, “It’s not a decision I’m taking, it’s a decision my body is taking.” Nadal has played at the French Open every year since 2005 and won it 14 times. Nadal said he was taking a few months off, meaning he will also definitely miss Wimbledon and most likely the US Open, before starting to play again. And he said next year would bring down the curtain on a career that has so far produced 22 Grand Slam singles titles.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 29, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Wednesday – Flag Day
June 18, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 21, Wednesday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 10:58 a.m. EDT)
July 4, Tuesday – U.S. Independence Day
Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Sam Smith (singer/songwriter) … 31
Michael Che (comedian, “Saturday Night Live”) … 40
Phil Rudd (drummer with AC/DC) … 69
Grace Jones (singer-actress-model) … 72
Pete Townshend (musician, singer/songwriter, The Who) … 78

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I know how it feels to be a woman because I am a woman. And I won’t be classified as just a man.”

(A) Vladimir Putin
(B) Dwayne Johnson
(C) Pete Townshend

ANSWER: (C) Pete Townshend

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1992 – In Massapequa, N.Y., Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and seriously wounded by her husband Joey’s teen-age lover, Amy Fisher.
* Unleash the made-for-TV movies!

1962 – Actress Marilyn Monroe performed a rendition of “Happy Birthday” for President Kennedy during a fund-raiser at New York’s Madison Square Garden.
* Then later she blew out his candle.

1928 – The first Calaveras County, California, Frog Jumping Contest was held – the oldest event of its kind in the US.
* You’d be amazed what people did for entertainment before there was television.

1911 – The first criminal conviction using fingerprints was obtained in New York City.
* It gave a big boost to the latex glove industry.

1780 – Near total darkness fell on England and part of Canada at about noon – though it sounds like an eclipse, it wasn’t, and no scientifically verifiable cause has ever been determined.
* It was that big mothership from “Independence Day” making a fly-by.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2013 – A guitar played by John Lennon and George Harrison sold for $408,000 at auction. The custom-made instrument, built in 1966 by VOX, was bought by an unidentified U.S. buyer in New York. Harrison played “I Am The Walrus” on the guitar in a scene from Magical Mystery Tour in 1967. Lennon used it in a video for “Hello, Goodbye” later that year. After playing the guitar, Lennon gave it as a 25th birthday present to Alexis “Magic Alex” Mardas, a member of The Beatles’ inner circle in the 1960s.

2000 – Folk trio Peter, Paul & Mary celebrated their 40th year together with a U.S. tour that kicked off with a three-night stand in Las Vegas.

2000 – The Allman Brothers announced that founding guitarist Dickey Betts would not be a part of the veteran Southern rockers’ summer tour. In a statement, the band said, “sadly, there are creative differences.”

1990 – Madonna started a three week run at No.1 on the US singles chart with “Vogue.”

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. The majority of married women still wear THIS something they wore on their wedding day. What it is?
The same perfume

2. 38% of married men surveyed admitted to doing THIS on the weekend when they know their wife is going to ask them to do a chore or a project. What is it?
Hiding

3. 10,000 married couples were asked how they met, and THIS was the #1 answer. What is it?
Through a mutual friend

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