WEDNESDAY, Mar 29 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, March 29, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Push Pull ‘n’ Drag Sale; HE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS FOUNDERS DAY

NATIONAL LEMON CHIFFON CAKE DAY

NATIONAL MOM AND POP BUSINESS OWNERS DAY

SMOKE AND MIRRORS DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“Deceit! Deception! Celebrate these and all other types of trickery with Smoke And Mirrors Day, the festival dedicated to the art of fraudulent cunning. The phrase ‘It’s all smoke and mirrors’ refers to the way in which magicians use all manner of distraction to make sure the audience fails to see what’s really going on. The more complex the artifice, the more successfully the magician will get away with it. The most obvious example of smoke and mirrors is ‘legalese,’ that incredibly convoluted language that lawyers use to make sure that no-one else understands what’s happening. Politicians have been known to try that sort of thing too.”

VIETNAM VETERANS DAY OR WELCOME HOME VIETNAM VETERANS DAY

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

AUDIO: LUKE SKYWALKER WARNS UKRAINIANS OF INCOMING ATTACKS

A new Ukrainian Air Alert app, which warns residents of aerial strikes from Russia, now features the unmistakable voice of Star Wars icon Mark Hamill. The actor said he lent his voice to the system after admiring the resilience of Ukraine over the last two years. He says, “The Ukrainian people rallying to the cause and responding so heroically. It’s impossible not to be inspired by how they’ve weathered this storm.” When the warning app goes off, Hamill’s voice comes on, saying, “Attention. Air raid alert. Proceed to the nearest shelter.” When the threat of danger is gone, users hear Hamill say, “May the Force be with you.”
* And I’m sure Disney lawyers have a Cease & Desist heading to Ukraine over that last line.
* He should have said, “I have a bad feeling about this. Get your Asyyyriak to a shelter.”
* Now I want to hear him say, “78 cents. Move your…bananas…to the bag.”
* At first they had Jar Jar Binks on the app, but nobody would use it.
* The Russian soldiers have an app with the voice of Darth Vader saying “Kill them all!”
CLIP: Audio of Mark Hamill and the Ukrainian Air Alert. Warning: he’s 71, so he’s a little creaky.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/MarkHamillAirRaidWarning(dot)mp3

WES ANDERSON MOVIE: 21 STARS

There’s another Wes Anderson movie coming out in June called “Asteroid City.” Anderson movies include “Moonrise Kingdom,” “Grand Budapest Hotel,” “The Royal Tennenbaums” and the gut-busting “The French Dispatch.” (* That was sarcasm.) Beside the usual droll wit and obsessively symmetric shot composition, the movie has 21 actual movie stars. I dare you to say “Who?” to more than three of these people: Jason Schwartzman, Scarlett Johansson, Tom Hanks, Jeffrey Wright, Tilda Swinton, Bryan Cranston, Edward Norton, Adrien Brody, Liev Schreiber, Hope Davis, Stephen Park, Rupert Friend, Maya Hawke, Steve Carell, Matt Dillon, Hong Chau, Willem Dafoe, Margot Robbie, Tony Revolori, Jake Ryan, and Jeff Goldblum.
* Where’s Bill Murray? Bill Murray, or I’m not going.
* The opening credits take 20 minutes.
* You can just see them pouring over their scripts, looking to see who has the most lines.
* Ladies and gentlemen, the ONE movie Nicole Kidman is not in.
* Why does everyone want to work with this guy? Good catering? Does he only film between noon and 3? Does he share his Netflix password?
* There’s will be a Jell-o wrestling match between all of them to decide who gets nominated for the acting Oscar.

THE BUZZ

BAD DESIGN

Reddit asked, “What everyday item is designed poorly, but we all sort of accept it?” Some of the answers:
– “Those ‘convenient’ zip closures they started putting on everything a few years back. 80% of the time, when you rip them open at the little cutouts, it doesn’t even open the bag, so you need scissors.”
– “Soap pumps. The soap is always just far enough away where the pipe can’t reach it.”
– “I own the classic Pyrex glass measuring cup in my kitchen. It has a spout, yet still spills all over the place when you pour from it.”
– “The plastic film over the top of ready-to-eat meals. It always, ALWAYS splits and you can never get all of it off.”
– “Touchless sinks in public don’t stay on long enough to rinse soap off hands.”
– “Air blow hand dryers in public toilets. As far as I can see they do next to nothing.”
– “Clothing labels that are made of materials from hell. Often these have no way of being removed without damaging the garment, so you are left with an eternity of irritation on your neck area from the sharp corners of the label.”
– “Those plastic tabs on new socks, there is ALWAYS part of a tab that gets stuck inside the sock.”
– “Kids’ cups at restaurants. Make the cups wide at the bottom and taper it upwards. Boom, significantly less spills.”
– “The refrigerator ice dispenser shoots pieces of ice onto the floor, no matter how carefully you hold the glass against the unit.”
– “Bacon packaging.”
– “Potato chip bags. Why has the chip industry not converted to simple resealable chip bags?
– “Cereal boxes. Double the waste for no reason. Just use a bag.”
* But not a potato chip bag, obviously.
* Six thousand years of human progress, and we still haven’t got potato chip bags worked out. This should have been fixed by the Mesopotamians.
* Stop complaining. Engineering school is expensive.
* An everyday item that’s designed poorly. Like every version of Windows ever?
* I hate those scratch-off lottery tickets. You scratch and scratch, but they never have winning numbers.
* PHONE TOPIC: What everyday item doesn’t work for you?

U.S. NEWS

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS SUPER-FAN/BANKROBBER ON THE LAM

A Kansas City Chiefs superfan named Xavier Babudar – known as “ChiefsaHolic” and regularly wearing a full-body wolf costume at Chiefs games – is now wanted for bank robbery. Last December, during the Chiefs’ run to the Super Bowl, Mr. Babudar allegedly walked into a Tulsa Teachers Credit Union in Bixby, Oklahoma, and pointed a pistol at a bank teller, demanding money. Babudar was allegedly a prolific gambler, who was open about his winning and losing bets. Babudar went from reportedly shelling out $10,000 for an autographed painting of Patrick Mahomes at a $1,250-per-head charity event in December, to claiming to be homeless upon his arrest. Babudar pleaded not guilty and was released on bond in February. Babudar was believed to be living with his mother and brother in Tulsa. On Saturday, his ankle monitor went dead and he failed to show for a court hearing on Monday. The ankle monitor was found in the woods nearby.
* Hey – just like Joseph Gordon-Levitt on Poker Face! (If you saw the episode, you know what this means.)
* It’s just not like a guy who dresses in a wolf costume and calls himself a ChiefsaHolic to act so strangely.
* Now they’re going to get him on illegal motion.
* If only he’d gotten into something less obsessive than football. Like TikTok.
* If only he’d bet on the Chiefs going all the way at the beginning of last season. He must not be a true fan.
* Isn’t Babudar an alien warlord on “The Mandalorian”?

GUY TRIED TO USE MONOPOLY “GET OUT OF JAIL FREE” CARD FOR TRAFFIC TICKET

A driver in Chisago County, Minnesota, was pulled over last Friday night. When asked for his driver’s license, the driver handed it over along with a Monopoly “Get Out of Jail Free Card.” The card did not work as advertised. The Sheriff’s Office posted on Facebook, “Unfortunately the state of Minnesota does not recognize this as a valid document. Points for the effort and humor though!”
* He used to hand cops Jenga blocks, but that was just stupid.
* You know what the cop did? He pulled out a pop-o-matic weapon and said, “Sorry! You’re in Trouble.”
* Those are hardscrabble people up in Minnesota.
* The guy should have said, “Do you know who I am? I’m a beauty queen – I won $10 second prize in a beauty contest.”
* Then he tried to pay his bail with Monopoly money.
* It’s sad – Now he has to switch from Monopoly to Solitaire.

MAN TRACKS STOLEN SUITCASE, THIEF WEARING HIS CLOTHES

Atlanta police have arrested a man accused of stealing luggage at the airport. Jameel Reid said he had flown into Atlanta and was waiting for his suitcase at baggage claim. It never came up on the conveyor belt, so he decided to check the tracking device he had put in the suitcase. He saw that it was not actually in the Hartsfield-Jackson airport at that moment, but was heading back to it. He contacted airport security, and together they followed the tracking device right to the suspect, who was wearing Reid’s shirt and jeans (* They bagged ‘im!). Mr. Reid said he had security concerns about the airport baggage system, saying, “You can literally walk into baggage claim, walk straight in and possibly take somebody’s luggage and walk out and nobody would even know.”
* You can? Why, that’s an outrage! Why have we never been made aware of this before?
* He then did another five minutes on the deal with airline food.
* If he’s so smart, why isn’t there a sticker on the luggage saying “Tracking Device Inside”?
* The thief admitted to the crime, and also told Reid he could stand to buy some new underwear.
* Why steal luggage? It’s fun – like buying the contents of an abandoned storage unit without knowing what’s inside.

TRENDINGMATTHEW RAMSEY OF OLD DOMINION IN ATV ACCIDENT

Country band Old Dominion are rescheduling at least three shows after frontman Matthew Ramsey was involved in an ATV accident. The singer shared the news with fans on Twitter on Tuesday, saying that the incident left his pelvis “fractured in at least three places” and will require him to rest for the time being. But, he says, “The good news is it’s gonna heal just fine. I promise we’ll keep you updated on my recovery.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

April 1, Saturday – April Fools Day
April 9, Sunday – Easter
April 18, Tuesday – U.S. Tax Day
May 14, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 29, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

PJ Morton (keyboardist with Maroon 5) … 42
Brady Seals (country singer) … 54
Lucy Lawless (actress, “My Life is Murder,” “Ash vs. Evil Dead”, “Spartacus”, “Xena, Warrior Princess”) … 55
Regina Leigh (country singer w Regina) … 55
Elle Macpherson (1980s supermodel) … 60
Marina Sirtis (actress, Counselor Troi on “Star Trek: Picard,” “Star Trek: The Next Generation”) … 68
Brendan Gleeson (actor, “The Banshees of Inishirin,” Mad-Eye Moody in Harry Potter films) … 68
Eric Idle (comic actor/writer, original “Monty Python” member) … 80

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I never know what I’m doing next. I really don’t. I don’t know what I’m doing next now. I go and think, ‘Hmm, what do I want to do next?'”

(A) Joe Biden
(B) Elon Musk
(C) Eric Idle

ANSWER: (C) Eric Idle

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2004 – The Republic of Ireland became the first country in the world to ban smoking in all work places, including bars and restaurants.
* “Oh, Begorrah, now I need a pint for sure!”

1999 – The Dow Jones industrial average closed above 10,000 for the first time, at 10,006.78.
* Remember the 90s, when we were all rich for about six months?

1983 – The first laptop computer was launched in the US.
* The computer you could put on your lap. The batteries you had to carry behind you in a wagon.

1973 – The last American troops left Vietnam.
* And the first American film directors started arriving.

1886 – Coca-Cola went on sale. It was launched as an “esteemed brain tonic and intellectual beverage.”
* Well, yeah, if you mix it with some Bacardi.

1848 – Niagara Falls stopped flowing for 30 hours because of an ice jam.
* Come to think of it, I was once jammed up for 30 hours after gorging on some three-cheese ravioli.

1564 – Explorer Ponce De Lion spotted Florida.
* At which point he turned around and yelled “Yes! We’re there! Now will you kids stop asking me that?!?”

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2017 – George Michael’s funeral took place, three months after his sudden death at the age of 53. His family said a “small, private ceremony” was attended by “family and close friends.”

2007 – U2 singer Bono accepted an honorary knighthood at a ceremony in Dublin. Fellow band members The Edge and Adam Clayton joined the frontman’s wife and four children at the British ambassador David Reddaway’s official residence. Bono is not entitled to be called “Sir” because he is not a British citizen. The U2 singer’s new title is Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire.

2005 – Neil Young was treated for a brain aneurysm at a hospital in New York. The aneurysm was discovered when Young’s vision became blurred after the induction ceremony for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He made a full recovery.

2000 – Phil Collins took legal action against two former members of Earth, Wind And Fire. Collins claimed his company had overpaid the musicians by $85,000 in royalties on tracks including “Sussudio” and “Easy Lover.”

1986 – Beatle records officially went on sale in Russia.

1986 – Austrian singer Falco started a three-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Rock Me Amadeus.”

1980 – Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side Of The Moon” spent its 303rd week on the U.S. album chart, beating the record set by Carole King’s album “Tapestry.”

1975 – Led Zeppelin had all six of their albums in the U.S. Top 100 chart in the same week.

1966 – Rolling Stone Mick Jagger was injured during a gig in Marseilles after a fan threw a chair at the stage. He required eight stitches for the cut.

1795 – Beethoven debuted as pianist in Vienna.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to surveys, nearly 1 in 4 married women aren’t thrilled with THIS. What is it?
The way their spouse proposed

2. According to surveys, when blowing out birthday candles, one in every 4 women will wish for THIS. What is it?
More time with their husbands

3. According to surveys, 65% of married women do not trust their husbands to do THIS. What is it?
Work on their car

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