THURSDAY, Mar 9 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, March 9, 2023
(Print button is at bottom of post. To print with larger type, cut and paste content into a document, and print that document.)

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: BROUGHT TO YOU BY

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BARBIE DAY
The Barbie Doll debuted in New York at the American International Toy Fair on this day in 1959.

GET OVER IT DAY
The Days of the Year website says this:
“Get Over it Day … was invented in 2005 when a man was having a rather difficult time overcoming the loss of his girlfriend. In essence, this day is meant to help people get over their troubles and tribulations while doing so in humorous ways. It is also considered a day to remember that others in the world will certainly have it worse than us, so Get Over it Day is also a day to feel a bit humble. … this holiday falls directly between Valentine’s Day and April Fool’s Day.”

NATIONAL CRABMEAT DAY

NATIONAL MEATBALL DAY

PANIC DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Try to stay calm. Take a deep breath. For today is Panic Day. Can you handle today? Good, we were worried for a moment. Hopefully, everything is going just swell in your life, and you have no need for this day. But, if problems and troubles are looming, try to hold off hitting the panic button until this day arrives. Don’t worry. Don’t fret. and, above all, don’t panic. However, if ever there was a day to panic, today is that day. As you get through this unsettling day, you have another day to worry about … International Panic Day, On June 18th!”

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites.

THURSDAY, Mar 9

“School Spirits”
Paramount+ – New Series
Synopsis: Maddie, a teen stuck in the afterlife investigating her own disappearance, goes on a crime-solving journey as she adjusts to high school purgatory.

Season Premiere:
Bravo – “Top Chef”

FRIDAY, Mar 10

“Real Madrid: Until the End”
Apple TV+ – New Docuseries
Synopsis: Goes behind the scenes with the iconic football club for a look at their astonishing 2021–2022 season.

“Sin Eater”
FX / Hulu – New Documentary
Synopsis: Profiles convicted felon and disgraced Hollywood private investigator Anthony Pellicano.

“Unprisoned”
Hulu – New Series
Synopsis: Dysfunctional family sitcom about a woman who welcomes her father back into her life and into her house to live with her and her teenage son after he’s released from prison.

“Luther: The Fallen Sun”
Netflix – New Movie
Synopsis: Taunted by a nightmarish serial killer he failed to put away, disgraced detective John Luther busts out of jail to finish the job by any means necessary.

“Outlast”
Netflix – New Competition Reality Show
Synopsis: Hardcore survivalists are dropped into the harsh Alaskan wilderness and grouped into teams of four, where their egos and individualism are bent until they break.

“Most Dangerous Game: New York”
The Roku Channel – New Series
Synopsis: Victor Suero, a fighter who’s currently going through some tough times, would sacrifice anything to keep his younger sister protected – even if it means putting his life on the line for a game organized by a complete stranger.

SUNDAY, Mar 12

“The Academy Awards”
ABC

“Naked and Afraid: Solo”
Discovery – New Reality Show
Synopsis: Past contestants attempt to survive on their own in the wilderness for 21 days, without the support of a partner.

HOW MUCH OSCAR MOVIE STARS EARN PER SECOND OF SCREEN TIME

The UK website Onlinecasinos did some analysis to discover something we all have asked ourselves: which Oscar-nominated or Oscar-winning actors over the last 40 years are the most valuable per second on the screen? Using a formula of the actor’s net worth combined with the time they spent on screen in an Oscar nominated or winning movie, and then consulting the I Ching, they came up with these figures. Don’t try to overthink it:
#1: Sandra Bullock, with two Oscar movies, 7700 seconds of total screen time, worldwide box office of $1.18 billion dollars, gives her worth at $94,736 per second of screen time.
#2: Ian McKellen, worth $90,614 per second he’s on the screen.
#3: Kate Winslett, with $76,155 per second she’s on the screen.
#4: Whoopi Goldberg, worth $75,622 per second of screen time.
#5: Dustin Hoffman, worth $73,797 per second.
#6: A relative bargain, is Tom Hanks, worth $73,166 per second.
#7: Joaquin Phoenix, worth $67,865
#8: Johnny Depp, worth $63,563
#9: Matt Damon, worth $53,807
#10: Julia Roberts, worth $52,949
* Where’s Meryl Streep, in more Oscar movies than anyone? She must act for free.
* Now I’m really gonna hate leaving my seat to use the restroom.
* This is why Hollywood trusts its dealmaking to Onlinecasinos.
* I saw “Pirates of the Caribbean 3”. Johnny Depp, I want my $63,000 back. And that’s just one second’s worth.
* Meanwhile, a confused Harrison Ford is going over his paychecks with a calculator. (Nominated for Best Actor for “Witness.”)

TIGER WOODS’ EX-GIRLFRIEND SAYS HE LOCKED HER OUT OF HOUSE

Tiger Woods’ ex-girlfriend Erica Herman has accused him of tricking her into leaving his Florida mansion under the guise of going on a “short vacation” — only to lock her out. Herman, 38, filed a complaint in October last year, which has just been made public, alleging that those working on behalf of Woods convinced Herman to “pack a suitcase for a short vacation and, when she arrived at the airport, they told her she had been locked out of her residence. This is in violation of the oral tenancy agreement and in violation of Florida law.” Herman claimed the couple had an “oral agreement” that ensured she could live at the mansion for a total of 11 years — and she still had five years remaining when the golf star called it quits on their relationship. Herman added that Woods did pay for a “hotel room and certain expenses for a short period of time.” Based on the time left on her five-year tenancy, Herman argued in court papers that she was entitled to compensation of roughly $30 million.
* Five years = 60 months so $30 million equals $500,000 a month rent. That sounds more than fair.
* I mean, she definitely deserves something extra for the whole “have her drive to the airport so we can change the locks” trick.
* “Oral agreement” is the place in the story where everybody rolls their eyes.
* Boy, another car wreck for Tiger, metaphorically this time.
* You break up, but she’s still allowed to live in your house. This could be a Jennifer Aniston movie.

THE BUZZ

THREE DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.
Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “A Brief History Of Research Chemicals”
2. “Did You Know Texas Has An Official State Mushroom That Hisses?”
3. “Just 5 Minutes Of Neck Scratches Make Dairy Cows Happier”
And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “How America And England Both Turned Pudding Into Their Own Thing”

HOW TO RUIN A HAMBURGER

Reddit asked, What instantly ruins a hamburger for you?” Some of the responses:
– “When the patty slips out the other side.”
– “Poor construction. When it flies out the other end. Stick everything together with a blob of sauce.”
– “Excessive height.”
– “Nobody wants to have to unhinge their jaw to eat a burger. I’d always take a wider burger over a taller burger.”
– “When the burger comes out and it’s so big they’ve got a steak knife stabbed through the middle holding it together. I have to cut it and eat it with a fork. So stupid. If you have to eat it with a fork then it’s no longer a burger, you just got a chopped steak salad.”
– “Soggy bun when part of it sticks to the back of your tongue.”
– “Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you can’t get quality lettuce, please leave it off! ”
– “Pickles when I asked for no pickles. And you can’t just pick em off. The whole burger is contaminated if a pickle touches it.”
– “Nothing kills a burger faster than a bad tomato.”
– “Thick cut tomato.”
– “I once ordered a breakfast burger that was advertised as having, among other toppings, ‘egg.’ I imagine a nice fried egg. No, the monstrosity that came out had a quartered, hard-boiled egg on it. Just terrible.”
– “When they cost $20+. It’s a hamburger.”
– “People that want to talk while I’m eating a burger.”
* Wow. How does that last jerk keep getting invited to cookouts?
* Don’t get Americans started on their hamburgers.
* Patties flying out the other side are easily fixed with a staple gun.
* A quarter pound of meat, cooked medium rare, with melted cheese and ketchup, in between toasted buns. It’s perfection. Why screw with it?
* PHONE TOPIC: Do you have a hamburger story? What ruins a hamburger for you?

U.S. NEWS

HOMEOWNER FINDS BOBCAT ON DOGGIE BED

In San Manuel, Arizona, a guy came home to find a bobcat lounging inside on his dog’s bed. He took a couple of pictures of the large cat lying comfortably on a pillow made for a dog, with a blanket nearby. He figured it came in through the doggie door. The man called wildlife officials, but the bobcat escaped the house before an officer arrived.
* After taking a few moments to mark most of the rooms in the house.
* Then the man said, “Hey, where’s my dog?”
* Speaking of the dog: Good job there, Fido.
* One sniff and the dog will be like “Who’s been sleeping in my bed??”
* Let the bobcat stay. It’s not easy sleeping outside on rocks all the time.

TESLAS INVESTIGATED BECAUSE THE STEERING WHEEL POPS OFF

US vehicle safety regulators are investigating complaints from drivers of Tesla’s 2023 Model Y SUV that the steering wheel pops off while you’re driving. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration’s Office of Defects said it received two complaints about it. Both vehicles that experienced a flyaway steering wheel were missing a retaining bolt that attaches the wheel to the steering column. One of the complaints came from New Jersey resident Prerak Patel, who was driving with his family on a highway on Jan. 29 just five days after purchasing his Model Y when the steering wheel suddenly detached. He said that luckily the road was straight and there were no cars behind him in the left lane in which he was driving, allowing him to pull over safely. Officials estimate their investigation covers more than 120,000 cars from the model year.
* Well, this explains that one extra bolt they keep finding when the cars leave the factory.
* Maybe that retaining BOLT needs a retaining NUT to keep it on?
* And here I thought Teslas didn’t need steering wheels, they drive themselves.
* “Look, these cars have a lot of little parts. We’re gonna miss some things. It’s like when you put an IKEA desk together and there are three or four leftover screws. It’s just like that.”
* The Model Y. As in, “WHY did I believe all the hype about Teslas?”
* “Office of Defects.” That’s what they call our control room every morning.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

APARTMENT HOUSE DEALING WITH SERIAL BARFER

[WARNING: this story is all about vomit.]
An apartment complex in Sydney, Australia, has been trying to stop a serial spewer. For the past six months, somebody has been hurking regularly off the balcony of the Urba complex on Gibbons Street. Residents posted a note telling the person they weren’t as anonymous as they might have thought because it was obvious from the street below where the chunder was coming from. A woman whose balcony was vomited on twice identified the culprit and sent an email to management, telling them the individual had not only ralphed over the balcony but also thrown “a bucket full of vomit over the balcony. So not only was it gross, it was premeditated,” her email read. Management notified the man, threatening to evict him, and the discharges stopped for a couple of months, but started again over this past weekend. Residents are demanding the man be charged for cleaning the balconies below, but building management has rejected the suggestion.
* Why throw out a perfectly good paying tenant?
* Maybe provide complimentary umbrellas to the lower tenants?
* Ironically, all they can do it throw up their hands.
* I believe public barfing is a right secured in the Australian constitution.
* If you live in that building, you’d best be always looking up, Chuck.
* This story brought to you by Pepto-Bismol.

TRENDING

BERT I. GORDON, DIRECTOR EXTRAORDINAIRE, DIES AT 100

Bert I. Gordon, the sci-fi director who specialized in low-budget films featuring colossal creatures, has died. He was 100. Maybe you’re familiar with his work. If you’ve every watched “Mystery Science Theater,” you probably are. His films include:
– The Cyclops (1957)
– The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)
– Beginning of the End (1957)
– War of the Colossal Beast (1958)
– Earth vs. the Spider (1958)
– Attack of the Puppet People (1958)
– Tormented (1960)
– The Boy and the Pirates (1960)
– The Magic Sword (1962)
– Village of the Giants (1965)
– Picture Mommy Dead (1966)
– How to Succeed With Sex (1970)
– Necromancy (1972)
– The Food of the Gods (1976)
– Empire of the Ants (1977)

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 12, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Friday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 20, Sunday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 5:24 p.m. EDT
March 21, Monday – First full day of Spring
April 1, Saturday – April Fools Day
April 9, Sunday – Easter
April 18, Tuesday – U.S. Tax Day
May 14, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 29, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Brittany Snow (actress, “Almost Family,” “Pitch Perfect”) … 37
Matthew Gray Gubler (actor, “Criminal Minds”) … 43
Emmanuel Lewis (actor, “Webster”) … 52
Linda Fiorentino (actress, “Men In Black”) … 65

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“It may sound lame, but I’ve been journaling since I was in third grade. I love it! It makes me feel calm and happy.”

(A) Vladimir Putin
(B) Kanye West
(C) Brittany Snow

ANSWER: (C) Brittany Snow

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2013 – Asteroid 2013 ET passed within 960,000 km of the Earth’s surface.
* Better luck next time.

2007 – The US Justice Department released an internal audit that found that the Federal Bureau of Investigation had acted illegally in its use of the USA Patriot Act to secretly obtain personal information about U.S. citizens.
* Well, thank goodness they put a stop to THAT.

1975 – Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline.
* Great idea – ’cause look how low gas prices are now!

1964 – The first Ford Mustang was produced.
* This is about the time the phrase “mid-life crisis” started catching on.

1959 – The Barbie doll debuted, and has since sold over 800 million dolls.
* And over twice as many diet and exercise books to women who later grew up hating their bodies.

1916 – A schoolboy’s cartoon sketch won a contest sponsored by the Planter’s Nut Company, and became their trademark “Mr. Peanut.”
* Clearly, the kid got paid peanuts for creating their corporate identity.

1858 – Albert Potts of Philadelphia, PA received a patent for the mailbox.
* Later that afternoon, the neighborhood kids developed mailbox baseball.

1822 – Charles Graham of New York City patented false teeth.
* He got annoyed when the guy at the patent office said “These would be funny if you could wind ’em up and make ’em chatter across the desk!”

1562 – In the city of Naples, kissing in public was banned, and declared punishable by death.
* This is one of many reasons why, throughout Italy, the 16th Century was known as “The Sucky Century.”

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2007 – Brad Delp, lead singer of US rock band Boston, committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning in at his home in the New Hampshire town of Atkinson.

1997 – Rapper Notorious B.I.G. (real name Christopher Wallace) was gunned down and killed as he left a party at the Petersen Automotive Museum in Los Angeles. He was 24 years old.

1991 – Mariah Carey started a two-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Someday,” her third U.S. No.1.

1985 – Mick Jagger released his solo single “Just Another Night,” a No. 12 hit in the U.S.

1985 – REO Speedwagon started a three-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Can’t Fight This Feeling.”

1982 – British pop star Gary Numan appeared in court after being spotted waiting for a hamburger while carrying a baseball bat. Charges of possessing an offensive weapon were later dropped.

1977 – British punk gods The Sex Pistols signed a contract with A&M Records outside Buckingham Palace.

1977 – The Jacksons’ CBS TV show was aired for the last time, finishing at the bottom of the ratings.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. Almost 30% of married couples say they never do THIS. What is it?
Hold hands

2. When it comes to their house, 20% of couples fight about THIS. What is it?
Closet space

3. 25% of married people say if they won the lottery big time, they would do THIS. What is it?
Get a divorce

(c) 2023
MORNING SIDEKICK RADIO SHOW PREP & COMEDY
8062 West Massey Circle
Littleton, CO 80128
USA
morningsidekick(at)gmail(dot)(com)
Tel: 303-727-9111