THE VALUE OF BIRD POOP: HALF A BILLION DOLLARS

New research published in the journal Trends in Ecology & Evolution has revealed that the waste produced by seabirds – the droppings of seagulls, pelicans, and penguins – could be worth nearly half a billion dollars annually. Seabird feces can be used as commercial fertilizer and is vital for contributing nutrients to marine ecosystems. In an effort to raise awareness about the importance of seabirds and conserving their habitats, scientists set out to quantify the contributions of seabirds and illustrate the actual cost of declining seabird populations by valuing their waste. The value of the world’s seabird crap: more than $473 million each year and possibly much more. Study coauthor Marcus Cianciaruso, an ecology professor at the Federal University of Goiás in Brazil, says, “I can go to an island, collect the guano, and sell it at market price as fertilizer.”
* I Googled the market price and it’s about $270 a ton, which is $1.35 for a ten-pound bag, so tell Marcus not to quit his day job.
* The hard part, of course, is getting the birds to poop in the bag.
* And you think your job stinks.
* This story is hard to believe, but I’m just guano have to trust them.
* Can you think of a harder way to make money than traveling to a rocky island, climbing the cliffs and scraping off seagull poop, dealing with bird parasites and god knows what spores you’ll be breathing in, and transporting it all back to the mainland? Other than opening a restaurant, maybe.
* If this is supposed to make us less annoyed at seagulls dive-bombing us for French fries, it’s not working.