THE MOST DEADLY NATIONAL PARKS

As Americans venture back out into the world this summer, you might be planning on a visit to a national park, one of America’s greatest inventions. Before you go, be warned that nature can kill you in many, many different, horrible ways. Why, just last week, a giant redwood fell over and smashed a couple in their Honda. True story. Anyway, here are the Five Most Deadly National Parks:
1. Grand Canyon, Arizona (Death Count Since 2010: 134) – While falling off the Grand Canyon did account for 27 deaths there were also 42 deaths attributed to the extreme summer heat that can exacerbate health problems.
2. Yosemite, California (Death Count Since 2010: 126) – Falls have been the top cause of death in Yosemite, though 17 people have drowned in the Merced River.
3. Great Smoky Mountains, North Carolina and Tennessee (Death Count Since 2010: 92) – Motor vehicle crashes cause the most deaths at Great Smoky, with 37 perishing in the last ten years alone.
4. Sequoia and Kings Canyon, California (Death Count Since 2010: 75) – The drawing card here is Mount Whitney, the highest peak in the lower 48 states. Falls and mountaineering deaths are the leading causes of fatality here.
5. Yellowstone, Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho (Death Count Since 2010: 52) – Over 20 park visitors have died in the thermal hot spots. Motor-vehicle crashes, medical issues, and natural death tied with 12 occurrences each since 2010.
* Are we sure we don’t just want to pave over everything?
* Please note over 75% of these deaths would not have happened if people would just PUT THEIR PHONES IN THEIR POCKETS AND WATCH WHERE THEY’RE WALKING.
* They forgot about these Other Dangerous National Parks:
– Six Bears Per Acre National Park, Montana
– The Floor is Lava National Park, Hawaii
– Loose Boulders National Monument, Utah
– Rabiesland, Michigan
– Free Alligator National Park, Florida
– Riptide Beach, New Jersey
* Remember, folks, when it comes to Charles Darwin’s principle of natural selection, resistance is futile.