WHY GREEK STATUES HAVE SMALL PENISES

Many art historians – and by many, it’s probably just this one guy – have wondered why all the classic Greek statues of nude man have small, uh, organs. It turns out that was the style at the time. In the ancient Greek world of around 400 BC, large penises were not considered desirable (* They must have gotten in the way of all that Greco wrestling.), nor were they a sign of power or strength. In fact, in Greek drama, the foolish and dumb characters routinely were depicted with large genitals — it was a sign of stupidity. Historian Paul Chrystal has conducted research into this ancient ideal (* Way to specialize, Paul!). Chrystal says, “The small penis was consistent with Greek ideals of male beauty. It was a badge of the highest culture and a paragon of civilization.”
* Well, tickle my toga and call me Zeus! Honey, if you’re listening, I’m a paragon!
* So we can assume all the ancient Greek gods drove GMC Sierra 1500 pickups?
* This is why the male statues are never smiling. And why the female statues are never smiling.
* I always assumed that, by the time they got to that part of the statue, they’d run out of marble.