GWYNETH PALTROW’S VAGINA CANDLE EXPLODES ALL OVER LIVING ROOM

[Note: we are switching out the word ‘vagina’ because a) It’s a morning show and b) it’s funnier.]

A so-called [Hoo-Hah]-scented candle from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop lifestyle collection reportedly exploded into flames causing an “inferno” in a woman’s living room. Jody Thompson, 50, of Kilburn, North London, says she won the notorious product, known as “The Candle Smells Like My (Virginia)” in an online quiz. The candle is described on Gwyneth’s Goop site as “funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected.” Jody says she was surprised after lighting it when a 20-inch (50cm) flame shot out of the candle and the glass jar exploded, with pieces of Vajayjay candle flying everywhere. Jody says she and her partner eventually got it under control and threw it out the front door. “It was scary at the time, but funny looking back that Gwyneth’s (bajingo) candle exploded in my living room.”
* “Oh, I’m sorry, you must have gotten the “These Are My Farts” candle. Never light those indoors.”
* Now This Candle Smells Like Burnt Toast. (or Singed Hair, if you can get away with it.)
* And just try getting that odor out of the carpet, much less the drapes.
* Something about this story smells funny.
* This must be why Ironman wore that armored suit all the time.
* This is actually part of how the candle is supposed to behave, since Gwyneth Paltrow’s own privates occasionally explode like this.
* Hot Mama!