DON’T PICK UP RED ENVELOPE IN TAIWAN

A weird warning has been circulating on the Asian internet about the danger of picking up a red envelope if you see it on the ground. Red envelopes in Chinese culture are considered a lucky item. They are traditionally stashed with cash and given to children during the Lunar New Year, and the red color of the envelope signals good fortune for future generations. But a recent tweet contained a picture of a red envelope on the ground, and this message:
“Warning about Red Envelopes in Taiwan. Yesterday, I saw a red envelope on the ground. However, be careful about thinking it’s free money and celebrating too early! It’s most likely a ghost marriage proposal. Ghost marriage is tradition where a family tries to find their deceased daughter a groom, and they do so by placing her photo as well as a lock of her hair in a red envelope. If a man picks it up, the family believes he is the fated groom of their deceased daughter, and force him to marry her. This is the third time I’ve seen this.”
* You realize this is a terrific premise for an ABC sitcom.
* So many questions:
– If you’re color-blind and you pick it up, does it still count?
– At the reception, does the ghost bride’s family supply the boos?
– How do you explain checking into the bridal suite as a single guy on your honeymoon?
– If you’re a woman and you pick it up, are you suddenly gay married?
– Do you celebrate Thanksgiving with your ghost bride’s family on Halloween?
* The best thing to do is get your ugly, lonely male friend to pick it up.