NEW YORK CITY: GUY SMEARS FECES OVER THE NUMBER 2 TRAIN

This really happened: In New York City on Monday morning, somebody spread feces all over two subway cars during the morning commute. And yes, it was in fact the No. 2 train. The train’s conductor was alerted to the situation by riders as they pulled into the Borough Hall station in Downtown Brooklyn. The conductor then said over the intercom exactly why the train was going out of service, that they were stalled because there was feces all over two cars and everyone would have to get off and wait for the next train. MTA officials said they were appalled at the incident. The cars were immediately removed from service and cleaned. Police are investigating the incident.
* But they’ve been working on this since yesterday and they’re kinda pooped.
* I swear to God, if I hear anybody make that “So you think you have a crappy commute” joke right now, you’re off the show.
* Guess where they took the train cars to be cleaned? That’s right – Flushing.
* On the bright side, the feces stink covered up the usual urine smell.
* That’s not really a bright side, is it?
* Maybe it was that famous mystery graffiti artist. What’s his name? Stanksy?