YOUR LIFE REALLY DOES FLASH BEFORE YOUR EYES WHEN YOU DIE

A new study suggests that your life really does flash before your eyes when you die. Researchers murdered several test subjects in a laboratory to deter— no, they didn’t do that. But science has determined that the parts of the brain that store memories is the last to be affected as other functions fail. Speaking with those who have had near-death experiences, they found that the phenomenon does occur, although rarely do the flashbacks come in chronological order. Participants told the researchers from Hadassah University in Jerusalem that their life memories seemed to come at random, and sometimes simultaneously. They lost all sense of time, with memories flying back at them from all periods of their life. The study, published in the journal Consciousness and Cognition, noted that the phenomenon is more common among those with a high concentration of carbon dioxide in the breath and arteries following a cardiac arrest.
* So theoretically, if you want to remember something, put a plastic bag over your head.
* But have a buddy with you.
* Okay, for legal reasons I now have to say “Just kidding. By no means should you ever put a plastic bag over your head.”
* Not in chronological order? So like an art film.
* Simultaneous memories? I’m picturing the wall of TV screens at Walmart.
* Can I skip reliving the presidential election?
* Great. One last chance to revisit all those horrible things in your life you worked so hard at burying.
* Maybe you can look back a few seconds and see where the heck that truck came from.
* I’ve always wondered if there were credits at the end?
* With my luck, I’ll have a song stuck in my head and I’ll miss the whole thing.
* The journal is called “Consciousness and Cognition” and the centerfold this month is the Neo-Cortex.
* I bet my last thoughts will be the errands I forgot to run.
* “Oh no, I didn’t return that library book.”