MAN STOPS TRAFFIC IN LINCOLN TUNNEL SO HE CAN PLEASURE HIMSELF

A man high on PCP blocked traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel last week with his minivan so he could masturbate. Port Authority police busted Ismael Esquilin, 48, of Passaic, New Jersey, about 7:15 p.m. Thursday when his Dodge minivan was found stopped in the middle of the New Jersey-bound side of the tunnel, holding up traffic. When cops approached the car, they found Esquilin removing his clothes and “performing a lewd act.” The idling minivan was running and the keys were in the ignition. Cops also found a glass pipe and small glass bottles containing PCP on the passenger seat floor. Esquilin was taken to Hoboken Hospital for observation.
* Observation? They want to watch him? Oh, now that’s just sick.
* Why didn’t the cops just tell him to beat it?
* Some sort of weird autoerotica.
* Big Whack Attack.
* Maybe he wanted to get off before Weehawken.
* No, it’s “”Dodge. Grab Life by the HORNS.” The HORNS.
* Fortunately, New Yorkers are such forgiving people when it comes to matters such as this.
* Hey, this could be the same guy who was arrested pleasuring himself in Portland last week.
* Or maybe it’s the latest craze with those crazy young people.
* Wait until the flash mobs start showing up and doing it.
* You’ve heard of Pokemon? This is Pull-a-mon.