DARWIN AWARDS

The Darwin Awards are given each year – posthumously – to those people who have gotten themselves killed in a spectacular way which prevents their ‘stupid genes’ from being passed down to future generations.

Here are some past examples of winners and nominees:

A Kansas man who was killed by a train after his car broke down on a highway. The train ‘s driver spotted him standing on the tracks, holding a mobile phone to one ear and cupping his hand to the other ear to block the noise of the train.

A Ukraine man out walking his dog became angry at a police cadet for telling him he should muzzle his dog. The man pulled a grenade out of his pocket, pulled the pin, and threw it at the cadet. Unfortunately, his well-trained dog retrieved the hand grenade and brought it back to his owner.

A farm keeper from São Paulo decided to remove a beehive from his orange tree. He didn’t know exactly how to proceed, but he knew the hive should be burned, and he knew bees sting. So he protected his head with a plastic bag sealed tightly around his neck, grabbed a torch, and went off to fight the bees. His worried wife went to look for him a few hours later, and found him dead from suffocation. He had forgotten to put breathing holes in the bag.

A 23-year-old Norwegian fisherman knew that if you put 12V electrodes into the ground, worms come to the surface. He tried to speed up the process. He figured that 220V, 50Hz, would bring more worms out faster, and he decided to test his theory. He did so squatting on a steel bucket, holding an electrode in one hand with the other in the ground a few feet away.

A Kentucky man who, in his youth, had whiled away many an afternoon hopping trains and riding them fifteen or twenty yards down the rails before leaping back off. While demonstrating the trick to friends, he tried to hop a southbound train, but failed to notice the simultaneous approach of a northbound train, and was struck and killed.

A man tried to enter a bar in Tomilino, Russia, near Moscow, carrying a concealed gun. He was stopped by an alert security guard, whereupon the man menaced the guard with the weapon. The guard kicked it out of his hands, and the gun fell onto a pool table. The security guard asked the players to pass the gun over to him. One of them thought the best way to accomplish this task was to pick it up with his pool cue. The gun slid down the cue stick, and its increasing thickness was sufficient to push the trigger and shoot the 19-year-old in the chest. He died immediately.

A man who died in Arizona’s Mohave County Jail when he defecated on his cell floor, slipped in his own feces, struck his head on the ground, and died.

A man in Holland, a retired engineer who booby-trapped his home with twenty deadly devices, with the intention of killing his estranged family. However, he inadvertently triggered one himself and was killed.

A New Zealand army recruit who found himself and three other recruits on a practice range used as the training grounds of the M203 Grenade Launcher. The ringleader of this group picked up two grenades and held them at arm’s length. According to the survivors, he uttered the famous last words, “Hey fellas, look at this!”. He cracked the two grenades together, causing one or both to explode in his hands. The M203 grenade has a lethal blast area of five meters.

A Pennsylvania man and his friend were taking target practice by shooting at the electrical insulators on electric lines. After the men shot six insulators off two utility poles, the shattered targets were no longer up to the job. A high-voltage wire fell to the ground and the man, attempting to prevent a serious fire, grabbed the sizzling wire in his hand, and was electrocuted.

A tree surgeon was lopping branches from a fir tree and throwing them on to a small fire below, when one of the branches became propped against the tree. The tree burst into flames, and the man was found dead on the ground, still wearing his safety harness.
* The trouble with the Darwin theory is that the rest of us survivors don’t seem to be getting any smarter, either.
* The best thing about the Darwin awards? No boring acceptance speeches.

Apparently, in Brazil, 3 people were flying in a plane at low altitude, when another plane approached. For a laugh, they decided to “moon” the other plane. Somehow, in the execution of this maneuver, they lost control of the plane and crashed. They were all found dead with their pants around their ankles.
* Let’s HOPE “mooning” was what they were doing!

In an Inuit village, a young man was searching for a way of getting drunk for free because he had no money to buy alcohol. So he mixed petrol with milk to get his buzz. After he drank it he became ill and vomited on the fireplace in his house which in turn ignited his vomit and burned his house down killing him and his sister.
* Idiot! You NEVER drink petrol and milk without a baking soda chaser!

A 27-year-old woman from France lost control over her car on a motorway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree seriously injuring her co-driver and killing herself. Accidents like this occur quite often and usually don’t qualify for a Darwin Award nomination. This accident is special because the drivers attention for the road was distracted by her Tamagotchi which hung on the car keys and beeped for food. Wanting to save the Tamagotchi’s life the French woman ignored the road and killed herself.
* But – how did the Tamagotchi make out?

In Germany, overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up Dumbo finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poo! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, who was 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. “The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him,” said flabbergasted Paderbom police detective Erik Dern. “With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.”
* Everyone who laughed at this story is going to HELL.