MAN STABS SELF WHILE SHOPLIFTING
Damn those blisterpacks.
MOM & KIDS POSE IN FRONT OF DEAD DAD TO WARN OF HEROIN
And they are all smiling.
ASSAULT WITH A BRISKET
The was some grill-hogging going on.
ALABAMA LAWMAKER SAYS GOD TOLD HIM TO BAN SAGGY PANTS
“I know that God would not go around with pants down.”
AUDIO: VANDALS LOBBING WATERMELONS AT CARS
In Reno, Nevada.
NEW YORK MOVIE THEATER HAS BED BUGS
“They gave me bed bugs and now I have to burn my house down and clothes.”
ROBBERS THWARTED BY SKINNY JEANS
They could not get his iPhone 6 out of his pocket.
AUDIO: MAN URINATES ON JETBLUE PASSENGERS
30 minutes out of Portland.
WOMAN ARRESTED FOR HAVING SEX WITH UNCONSCIOUS MAN
Oh, get a morgue!