FATHER OF THE YEAR: SEATBELTS, LICENSE, WARRANTS, TODDLERS, SNOT, AND A GUN
Six in the chamber, three in the backseat.
GUY FORGETS BITCOIN PASSWORD, AI FINDS IT FOR HIM
What a dope. Speaking of dope…
WOMAN SMUGGLED CLAMS IN HER WADERS
Not a euphemism.
ZOLTAR WINS MAN A MILLION DOLLARS
Big winnings.
HIGHLY IDENTIFIABLE BANK ROBBER CAUGHT
It’s what the fashionable robbers are wearing these days.
TARGET TO REPLACE SHOPPING CARTS TO WIN CUSTOMERS BACK
That’s just how they roll.
WOMAN PULLS OUT HER DENTURES DURING ARGUMENT
Don’t bark if you can’t bite.
BARBERS SUE BAR CALLING ITSELF “THE BARBER SHOP”
There’ll be hell toupee.
KIDS STEAL OVER 100 HOT DOGS FROM SCHOOL
Quick, put air tags on the buns.