TOY STORY 5
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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
AUDIO: THE WORLD CUP: AMERICANS JUST DON’T CARE
It’s not you — it’s me.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
MATTHEW PERRY’S KILLER DOCTOR SAYS HE WASN’T TOTALLY A DOCTOR AT THAT POINT IN TIME
Wasn’t this an argument on Boston Legal?
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
THE ODYSSEY PRESENTS: THE ODYSSEY POPCORN BUCKET
And a box of Milk Duds, please.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
THE BLEAK FILM FESTIVAL
[Heavy sigh]
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What kind of music does a turkey like listening to?
Gobbledygook.
What do you see when the sun bends over?
The crack of dawn.
Where do sick ships go?
To the doc,
What happened when Simba was walking too slow?
They told him to Mufasa.
A burglar breaks into a home, finds a couple having sex.
He ties them up at gunpoint, loots the house. As he’s leaving, the man pleads, “Please, just untie her, I’ll give you my car keys, empty my bank account, anything. Just let her go.” The thief says, “You must really love your wife to be begging like that.” The man says, “No, my wife will be home in 5 minutes.”
U.S. NEWS
SIGN UP NOW FOR THE FLORIDA PYTHON CHALLENGE
Wakey, wakey, time for snakey.
FLORIDA MAN PRETENDS TO BE A LAWYER
I think most of them do anyway.
LEGO THIEF GETS 45 YEARS
Guy’s a few bricks shy of a load.
YOU COULD WIN A FREE JEEP WRANGLER*
* some restrictions apply.
70 TEEN GIRLS RESCUED FROM TOWN SEWERS
Worst field trip ever.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
KAYAKING WHILE INTOXICATED
And now he’s up a creek.
SNAIL RACE CANCELED
Who will speak for the snails?
MASSIVE WHALE GRAVEYARD DISCOVERED
Whaleoween!
AIR CANADA PILOT NEVER HAD A LICENSE TO FLY BIG-ASS AIRPLANES
You’re grounded, mister.
AUDIO: NO VUVUZELAS AT THE WORLD CUP
The latest buzz from FIFA.
FRONT LANDING GEAR OF BOEING 787 COLLAPSES AT GATE
Drop the pilot.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Huggy Pillow
A Little Help Storming The Castle
Marriage In The Atomic Age
Hi, What’re Ya Lookin’ At?
Is No Place Safe?
Fetch The Paper, Boy!
THE BUZZ
WORLD CUP VISITORS’ IMPRESSION OF AMERICA
Mostly good.
PLAY TENNIS, LIVE LONGER
Also, badminton.
WHO’S GOING TO WIN THE WORLD CUP, ACCORDING TO A COMPUTER
¡Felicidades España!
DUMB HEADLINES
Nothing like a dumb headline on a hot summer day.
RESEARCHER: PEOPLE TEND TO WALK COUNTER-CLOCKWISE
Good job, Sherlock.
WE JUST PRETEND TO LIKE IT
You got to go along to get along.
WHAT WOMEN DON’T GET
Have you got an hour?
WHAT TO DO WHEN THE ALIENS ARRIVE
No direct eye contact! Oh, wait – that’s for Kanye.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THE DEATH OF ROBIN HOOD
Starts Friday, June 19 in theaters.
DISCLOSURE DAY
Starts Friday, June 12 in theaters.
STOP!THAT!TRAIN!
Starts Friday, June 12 in theaters.
SCARY MOVIE 6
Starts Friday, June 5 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
NON-TRADITIONAL FATHER’S DAY
Or, rather, Fathers’ Day.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, June 12.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Service Computer
A & M’s service department becomes fully computerized. Briefly.
RENAISSANCE FAIRE II
Ye olde funne awaites.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, June 5.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – LEGALESE
Al and Mike fought the law – and the law won.
EAU DE GASOLINE
It doesn’t just smell expensive… it is.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 29.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Zero Zero
Zero is the down payment you pay – and also Al and Mike’s IQ.
BUTLERS NEEDED
Millionaires need YOU.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 22.
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