FOOTBALL FAN THANKS COPS WITH 20 DOZEN DONUTS. BUT…
…coconut.
TEEN ACCIDENTALLY RUNS MARATHON
He missed the turn-off for the half marathon.
MAN GETS $386,000 FOR LOST TESTICLE
An unfortunate vasectomy accident.
VALET SERVICE AT CALIFORNIA TACO BELL
But only during construction.
STRIPPER ASSAULTS PATRON WHO TOLD HER SHE NEEDED TO GO TO THE GYM
She had a muffin top.
MAN SHOOTS NEIGHBOR'S TOILET
Through the wall.
DARTH VADER ROBS CONVENIENCE STORE
Clerk clobbers him with salad dressing.
AUDIO: ROBBER HAS MACHETE, CLERK HAS BIGGER MACHETE
Just like in Crocodile Dundee.
DRUNK DRIVER CALLS IN FAKE 911 TO DISTRACT POLICE
But then she texted about it.