WOMAN KICKED OUT OF BINGO HALL FOR NOT WEARING MASK ON HER NECK BREATHING HOLE
Show off.
MAN PUBLISHING HAND-WRITTEN NOVEL
I’ll wait for the movie.
HYPNOTHERAPY CURES WOMAN’S FEAR OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
20 years of mac & cheese.
87-YEAR-OLD IRONMAN STILL COMPETING
No rust yet on this guy.
DUTCH MASTERWORK PAINTING STOLEN FOR THE THIRD TIME
Time to replace the batteries in the burglar alarm.
UNIVERSITY WILL PAY YOU FOR DOING NOTHING
Usually in college, it’s vice-versa.
ZOO TO GIVE ELEPHANTS MEDICAL MARIJUANA
And hamsters turn on frequently.
NINJA MUSEUM ROBBED
No one saw a thing.