100-YEAR-OLD LADY’S SECRET TO LONG LIFE: CIGARETTES AND MARMALADE
40 a day.
BRITISH ICE CREAM STAND CLOSES DUE TO HEAT
They all scream.
THE WORLD’S LOUDEST PERSON: 122 DECIBELS
Loud and proud.
CITY GRANTS RIGHTS TO TREES
Freedom of beech.
POLICE INVESTIGATE DISAPPEARANCE OF MAGICIAN
Trick worked a little too well.
CHINESE MAN STEALS, CUTS UP ELEVATOR DOOR
What a downer.
KAYAKING WHILE INTOXICATED
And now he’s up a creek.
SNAIL RACE CANCELED
Who will speak for the snails?