AND THEN THE MURDERS BEGAN

(March, 2017) You know how every fortune cookie can be made better by adding the words “in bed” at the end? Last week, sci-fi and horror writer Marc Laidlaw tweeted this: The first line of almost any story can be improved by making sure the second line is, “And then the murders began.” And it’s true, as many other tweeters have noted:
– It was the best of times it was the worst of times. And then the murders began.
– In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. And then the murders began.
– “I wonder what Piglet is doing,” thought Pooh. And then the murders began.
– Mr. & Mrs. Dursley, of number 4, Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. And then the murders began.
– The sun did not shine, it was too wet to play, so we sat in the house all that cold, cold wet day. And then the murders began.
– In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And then the murders began.
* Wait, that last one actually happened, with Cain and Able.
* We get memos like this from management every day around here.
* It works with other things, too:
– Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. And then the murders began.
– I was dancing with my darling to the Tennessee Waltz. And then the murders began.
– Yankee Doodle came to town, riding on a pony. And then the murders began.
– My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. And then the murders began.