WALMART TO STOP SELLING ASSAULT RIFLES
Don’t worry – they’re being replaced with shotguns.
AMERICANS BUYING FLAMETHROWERS
Especially since there’s been talk of banning them.
WOMAN TRIED TO HIRE HIT MAN TO KILL THE GUY WHO GAVE HER KIDS COOTIES
“I was only joking”. Ha ha.
MAN RUN OVER BY TANK
As happens much too often these days.
DRONE CONTRABAND DELIVERY TO PRISON INMATE THWARTED
Drugs, pornography and tobacco.
VIRGINIA UNIVERSITY IN TROUBLE FOR NAUGHTY BANNERS
“Freshman Daughter Drop Off”
AMERICA'S GROUND BEEF: FULL OF POOP
Thanks for ruining my cook-out, Consumer Reports!
WORLD'S LONGEST TAMALE
116 feet, 7 inches.