GUY HITS WOMAN WITH A PILLOW TO MEET HER
Whoomp.
NAIL POLISH COMPANY CAPITALIZES ON PARIS ATTACK
Blue, white & red nail polish. To show support.
AUDIO: MAN ASSAULTS GIRLFRIEND FOR NOT SMELLING HIS ARMPIT
While she was washing his dishes!
MAN CAUGHT SMUGGLING 450 PORK TAMALES INTO THE U.S.
The problem was not the tamales, but the pork.
CHICAGO WOMAN LEADS SEX STRIKE OVER GUN VIOLENCE
Until the men put down their guns.
SUSPECT SNORTS HEROIN PULLED OUT OF BUTT
His own butt, but still.
DRUNK WOMAN IN A GREASE DUMPSTER
With her pants down.
MAN KILLED BY DOG HE ADOPTED HOURS EARLIER
Rottweiller.
COP ISSUES HIMSELF A PARKING TICKET
But it wasn’t his fault. Uh huh.
FIRST-GRADER TRIES TO STAB TEACHER WITH SCISSORS
He also tried to damage computers.