AUDIO: SOUTHERN MOM DESTROYS KIDS' CELL PHONE
With a shotgun and a sledgehammer.
RAMPAGING MAN BLAMES TOO MUCH MASTURBATION
Also, music.
AUDIO: FURIOUS MOM YELLS AT AMERICAN AIRLINES
“If there’s no flight just say: ‘There’s no flight!’”
120-POUND GREAT DANE RESCUED FROM TREE
Stupid squirrels.
MAN GOES TO DENTIST, WAKES UP WITH NO TEETH
Forms were signed.
AUDIO: TESLA HAS A "BIOWEAPON DEFENSE MODE"
The world’s most expensive fart fan.
NY DEMOCRATS COMPLAIN OF T.P. SHORTAGE
“Try it out, it will probably cut you.”
STARBUCKS TO CUSTOMER: "DIABETES HERE I COME"
Customer didn’t get the joke.
BURGER KING HIT WITH PRANK CALL
The old “break all the windows” gag.
MAN FACES PRISON OVER TRUMP FLAG
He’s not allowed to fly it until May 7.