300-POUND MAN OUT OF BREATH AFTER SHOPLIFTING ESCAPE
The chase barely lasted across the parking lot.
COLD, LONELY BABY BISON EUTHANIZED
Mean old park rangers.
MAN ATTEMPTS TO ROB CAR WASH WITH A POTATO CHIP BAG
He was not successful.
WOMAN ESCAPES DEATH BY TRAIN TWICE IN TWO WEEKS
Tried to beat the train both times.
AMERICA'S FIRST PENIS TRANSPLANT
A success.
AT LAST, THE EDIBLE SIX-PACK RING
100% biodegradable and edible.
SQUIRRELS, PEANUTS, A CHANNEL TO THE AFTERLIFE AND A SHOT IN THE ASS
“My parents have shown themselves to me through the squirrels.”
MAN KIDNAPS WILD BABY BUFFALO OUT OF FEAR IT WAS FREEZING
He took it to a park ranger.
AUDIO: FOR SALE – HOUSE-TRAINED BUFFALO
“She watches the fish tank for a while.”