8-YEAR-OLD WINS CANNABIS PRODUCTS IN RAFFLE
High sticking.
PARENT LETS KID DRIVE CAR INSTEAD OF PLAYING GTA ALL DAY
Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby.
MAN UNLOCKS CELLPHONE WITH SEVERED THUMB
Who has one thumb and can unlock a cellphone? THIS guy.
“PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS” PERFORMER INJURED IN FREAK ACCIDENT
A corkscrew in your pocket? What are the odds?
WIENERMOBILES FOR SALE
In Canada.
RUSSIAN COPS IMPOUND ILLEGAL BATMOBILE
As opposed to all the legal ones.
CHINA IS NOT SENDING DUCKS TO EAT THE PAKISTANI LOCUSTS
Doc says no ducks.
SOCCER TEAM OWNER BLAMES BAD SEASON ON TOO MUCH SEX
His players, not himself.
MARCHING BAND INJURIES
Thank you for your service.
CEMETERY REMOVES TOMBSTONE WITH DECEASED FLIPPING THE BIRD
The family is not happy.