HOMEOWNER FINDS DRUNK MAN EATING HIS CHIPS

Andrew Wozniak, 19, of Greenwood, Indiana, was arrested Sunday after breaking into a man’s house wearing only his boxer shorts. The homeowner called police shortly after 3 a.m. reporting a man “standing in his living room, in nothing but his underwear, eating his chips.” The caller described the suspect as “incoherent” and pushed him out of the house. Officers eventually found Wozniak walking down the street in only his boxer shorts. He was arrested after cops tested his Blood Alcohol Content, which was around .106.
* Maybe he was looking for Lays.
* When the homeowner caught him, he was half in the bag.
* Better to have him eating chips than blowing chunks.
* When cops picked him up on the street he said “Boy, this guy’s got the longest driveway ever!”
* His blood alcohol was .106, or 30% higher than what you need for a blackout. This wasn’t an arrest – this was a rescue.
* Sometimes you don’t have to ask, “Boxers or briefs?” It’s obvious.
* We’re on a streak of these. Remember the guy who broke in the woman’s house and baked a potato yesterday?
* That guy even raked the leaves as he left. What did this guy do to help? Nothing.
* All these stories. My fear is that when I’m dying – instead of my own life – I’ll have these stories flashing through my mind.