JACKASS 5: BEST AND LAST
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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
BAILEY ZIMMERMAN ARRESTED FOR TRASHING HOTEL ROOM
Morgan Wallen, look over your shoulder.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
NETFLIX TO MAKE A “SESAME STREET” MOVIE
Now all we need is a plot.
OLIVIA RODRIGO CAN SMELL THE FANS WEARING ADULT DIAPERS
Every concert? No. Depends.
ANIMATED “SURVIVOR” MOVIE
Talking animals! Hilarious!
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
THE SCARIEST SCARY MOVIE: SINISTER
According to science.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
AUDIO: THE WORLD CUP: AMERICANS JUST DON’T CARE
It’s not you — it’s me.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
Did you know the man who invented the speedboat died?
His funeral is tomorrow, followed by a wake.
A gingerbread man goes to the doctor.
He says, “My knee hurts.” Doctor says, “Have you tried icing it?”
A man at the World Cup final notices there’s an empty seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” The other guy replies, “Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.” The man, “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?” The guy says, “No. They’re all at the funeral.”
At a corporate board meeting the CEO tells a joke.
Everyone laughs hysterically, except for one guy.
The CEO askes the guy, “Didn’t you get it?” And the guy says, “Oh, I got it. But today’s my last day.”
Why does kangaroo meat taste like beer?
Because of all the hops.
U.S. NEWS
MAN SKATEBOARDS ACROSS USA IN 39 DAYS
True – no fakie.
ZOO CLOSED ON ACCOUNT OF ANIMAL
Bear left.
MAN FALLS IN CAMPGROUND TOILET RETRIEVING SUNGLASSES
Honey, hold my ankles.
87-YEAR-OLD MAN WINS LOTTERY
It’s about time.
DRONE WITH A MAGNET DISARMS SUSPECT
Wolverine vs. Magneto, sort of.
DRIVER DOES DONUTS IN FRONT OF POLICE STATION
To impress a girl.
M&M’S DROPPING BLUE AND BROWN FOR AWHILE
Well doesn’t that just blow, pops?
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
BRITISH ICE CREAM STAND CLOSES DUE TO HEAT
They all scream.
THE WORLD’S LOUDEST PERSON: 122 DECIBELS
Loud and proud.
CITY GRANTS RIGHTS TO TREES
Freedom of beech.
POLICE INVESTIGATE DISAPPEARANCE OF MAGICIAN
Trick worked a little too well.
CHINESE MAN STEALS, CUTS UP ELEVATOR DOOR
What a downer.
KAYAKING WHILE INTOXICATED
And now he’s up a creek.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Your Eggs Are Disappointed In You
Origami, Level 10
The One-Stop Shop
Job Done! OK, Get That Ladder Down And We’ll — Oh, Hell.
Mom
Missed It By That Much
THE BUZZ
CURSES!
It should happen to you.
NO LONGER YOUNG
Same old story.
A TRASHED-OUT CAR IS A TURN-OFF
That box with the dead cat in it isn’t helping.
EVERY HOT DOG TAKES 35 MINUTES OFF YOUR LIFE
Nathan’s Famous…death dogs.
HUMANS ARE HARDWIRED FOR LAZINESS
Took two universities to come up with this conclusion.
HOW TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE REMEMBER YOUR NAME
Oh, they’ll remember you.
DUMB HEADLINES
Exceptional dumbness this week. Must be the heat.
OH MY GOD, NOW PEOPLE AREN’T SITTING ENOUGH
I got a bad case of the sits.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
SUPERGIRL
Starts Friday, June 26 in theaters.
TOY STORY 5
Starts Friday, June 19 in theaters.
THE DEATH OF ROBIN HOOD
Starts Friday, June 19 in theaters.
DISCLOSURE DAY
Starts Friday, June 12 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Minutes From Anywhere
You’re only minutes from A&M. Just don’t ask how many.
THE DEATH OF ROBIN HOOD
It’s right there in the title.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, June 19.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – LEMONS
A & M Autoland has more lemons than ever before!
NON-TRADITIONAL FATHER’S DAY
Or, rather, Fathers’ Day.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, June 12.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Service Computer
A & M’s service department becomes fully computerized. Briefly.
RENAISSANCE FAIRE II
Ye olde funne awaites.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, June 5.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – LEGALESE
Al and Mike fought the law – and the law won.
EAU DE GASOLINE
It doesn’t just smell expensive… it is.
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