PROMOS-TO-GO
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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
NEW, DARKER MARY POPPINS IN THE WORKS
It’s a jolly effin’ ‘oliday, innit?
AUDIO: TV SHOW ATTRACTS PETS – “SEALOOK”
Your dog wants steak, and a Netflix subscription.
NICOLE KIDMAN ASKS FANS TO DEMAND A FOURTH SEASON OF “LIONESS”
Do it for Nikky.
AUDIO: SHATNER GOES HEAVY METAL
Enter Shatman.
TAYLOR SWIFT TO RECEIVE MADE-UP AWARD ON MTV VMA’S
Orson Wells couldn’t be here tonight.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What were Mr. Peanut’s last words?
“I’ll be back in a Jif.”
An old married couple are rocking on the front porch.
Suddenly, the old woman smacks her cane across the old man’s lap. He says, “What the hell was that for?” She says, “That’s for 56 years of terrible sex!” They get back to rocking. Suddenly, the old man raises his cane and smacks the old woman across the lap. She yells “What the hell was that for?” He says, “That’s for knowing the difference.”
Why did the man have stir fry food all over his bed?
He’d been sleep wokking.
How do you know that your teenager is depressed?
You take her to her favorite restaurant, and she barely takes a picture of food.
What’s the secret to making dog biscuits?
Collie flour.
U.S. NEWS
HOT NEW TOY: BUTT FACE
Rock bottom.
WOMAN POSES AS SUBSTITUTE TEACHER, STARTS BERATING KIDS
Just like School of Rock, but less funny.
NEBRASKA CORNHUSKERS URINAL TROUGHS FOR SALE
“You bought a what?”
SHOPPER MISTAKEN FOR EMPLOYEE, GETS PULLED IN FOR A PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
And can you dress better?
THE PHILADELPHIA PARALLEL PARKING CHAMPIONSHIPS
Back in the day.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
WOMAN BURIED IN MUSHROOM COFFIN
The morel of the story: be eco-concious.
VACATION RENTAL COMPANY DENIES GHOST SIGHTING
The Maltese Phantom.
TURKISH COMEDIAN FOUND GUILTY OF INSULTING PRESIDENT
Turkey president hates being roasted.
MAN DRESSED AS BATMAN CHASES THIEF, RECOVERS PURSE
Holy rented costume!
ITALIAN POLICE FIND $3.5 MILLION HIDDEN IN APARTMENT WALLS
They’ll never think to look there.
SAMSUNG SENDS FIRMWARE UPDATE THAT BRICKS THEIR REFRIGERATORS
Stopped them cold. Or, rather, warm.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Yo – Toss Me A Roll!
Fancy Spider
Frog-Level Star Wars Cosplay
Hey – Occupied!
Veggie Monster
I Thought It Would Be Bigger
THE BUZZ
HOW MY IN-LAWS RUINED MY WEDDING
Family. I hate them.
HUSBAND LISTED THINGS HE GAVE UP TO GET MARRIED
I give and I give and I give.
SURVEY: BREAKFAST FOR DINNER
Many people do.
HAPPY COUNTRIES HAVE MORE CATS
/\____/\
WEIRD FIRST DATE QUESTIONS
a.k.a. “There will be no second date.”
UNPOPULAR OPINIONS
Mashed potatoes, truffles and instant noodles take the hit.
STUDY: DEEP VOICES MAKE MEN SEEM STRONGER
In a world…
RELATIONSHIP-ENDING HOBBIES
Beware golf, and CrossFit.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
OTHER MOMMY
Starts Friday, October 9 in theaters.
THE SOCIAL RECKONING
Starts Friday, October 9 in theaters.
TREASURE TREKKERS
Starts Friday, October 9 in theaters.
DIGGER
Starts Friday, October 2 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Free Inspection
Al and Mike try to hook you with their new offer.
PROPOSITION 81
Political ad gone wrong.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, October 2.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Two Percent Sale
Big Al never quite got the hang of fractions and decimals.
TRIACLINIC COLD MEDICINE
There’s one for your cold, probably.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 25.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – STOP THINKING
Thinking of buying a new car? Stop thinking! Al and Mike have!
FOURTOOTH FARMS CORNY MAZE
Makes a great babysitter, when you have errands.
OKTOBERFEST SONG – BIERGARTEN GIRLS
It’s Oktoberfest time!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 18.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – No Reasonable Offer
Big Al gets an offer he can’t refuse.
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