FRIDAY, Sept 2 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, September 2, 2022
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NOTE: MORNING SIDEKICK WILL BE OFF ON MONDAY, SEPT. 5 FOR THE U.S. LABOR DAY HOLIDAY. WE WILL RETURN WITH PREP FOR TUESDAY, SEPT. 6

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BRING YOUR MANNERS TO WORK DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“Many of us spend more time at work than at home, so it’s really important to have fulfilling relationships both with colleagues and customers. Bring Your Manners To Work Day was created by The Protocol School of Washington to remind people of the importance of treating people with courtesy and respect in the workplace. Everyone should practice good manners, whether at work or at home, and common bad manners at work include things like loud ringtones, not cleaning up after yourself and polite conversation.”

NATIONAL BLUEBERRY POPSICLE DAY

V-J DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“Following the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Emperor Hirohito announced Japan’s acceptance of the Potsdam Declaration and surrendered on August 15th, 1945, effectively marking the end of World War II. However, the official surrender ceremony did not occur until over two weeks later, and thus President Truman marked September 2nd as the official V-J Day. It is estimated that anywhere from 60 to 80 million people died during World War II, on all sides of the conflict. V-J Day should be seen as not only the celebration of the defeat of the tyrannical Japanese government of the time, but also the remembrance of those who lost their lives.”

September is:

Baby Safety Month
Better Breakfast Month
Chicken Month
Classical Music Month
Hispanic Heritage Month
Honey Month
Little League Month
National Piano Month
Self Improvement Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

TOM BRADY & GISELLE BUNDCHEN FIGHTING OVER HIS RETURN TO NFL

The New York Post’s Page Six says multiple sources report that Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen have had a series of heated arguments over Brady’s surprise decision to un-retire from the NFL. The news comes after the Buccaneers quarterback, 45, missed 11 days of training in August. When quizzed about his disappearance, Brady said: “It’s all personal – everyone’s got different situations they’re dealing with. We all have really unique challenges to our life. I’m 45 years old, man. There’s a lot of [stuff] going on.”
* It’s a touchy subject – him returning – ’cause he doesn’t actually need the money. Must be tough.
* Another case of a woman hating to see their man do what he loves.
* I bet the problem is he really wants to retire, but she doesn’t want him hanging around the house.
* Maybe she’s tired of all the packets of fresh unicorn blood he keeps in the refrigerator.
* Another case of the older generation not wanting to step aside and let a Millennial move up.

WANNA BUY A BEAUTY PAGEANT?

The Miss Universe beauty pageant is for sale. Famed superagent Ari Emanuel can’t find a buyer for the struggling pageant. He’s been shopping it around for the last six months for $20 million, with no luck, a knowledgeable source said. Emanuel bought the pageant from Donald Trump in 2015. (* Sucker!) Although the sale price was not disclosed, Trump’s financial statements said the organization was worth between $5 million and $25 million (* sounds familiar) and had $3.4 million in revenue. But wait, there’s more! If you buy Miss Universe, you also get the Miss USA and Miss Teen USA pageants, which are said to generate revenue between $7 million and $9 million annually.
* Yes, in the age of #MeToo, gender fluidity, pronoun confusion and Generation Z disinterest in everything, now is the perfect time to spend 20 million dollars on a beauty pageant.
* Maybe it’s time to donate the beauty pageants to the Smithsonian.
* Ari Emanuel needs to find something more worthwhile to sell, like, I don’t know … time-shares?
* The purchase price includes about 100 rolls of ribbon for the sashes.
* The only way this thing makes any money is if they can somehow turn it into a spinoff of “Yellowstone.” Can they make the gals all rodeo riders?

THE BUZZ

HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE THE JERK AT WORK

Tessa West, an associate professor of psychology at New York University and author of “Jerks At Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them,” has a handy guide to learning if you’re the Jerk at Work:
1. If you think your team members are all jerks, it might be you.
2. If your co-workers don’t disagree with you, but don’t offer much feedback, either.
3. If you’re a habitual credit-stealer. (* or other-people’s-lunch stealer)
4. If you feel constantly let down by your team and need to point out their mistakes.
5. If people you work with directly have a habit of leaving.
* Well, those are five pretty good guideli— hey, where’d everyone go?
* You know, they’re always leaving me here alone and I need to point out that they shouldn’t be doing that.
* It’s also a clue if people refer to you as “Dwight Schrute.”
* Nothing about reheating fish in the microwave?

SURVEY: WHERE ARE YOUR ORGANS?

A new survey of 2,000 adults from British company Pall Mall Medical finds many people are unable to identify key metrics for monitoring their overall health. Researchers asked residents in the United Kingdom questions about personal health, and quizzed them on whether they could spot and identify different organs:
– Only 37% are very confident they can name their own blood type.
– Only 24% know what their BMI (body mass index) is.
– Only 63% can identify the heart and the brain.
– Only 52% can identify the reproductive organs.
– Only 22% could pinpoint the gall bladder.
– Only 20% know where the spleen is.
* It’s not important that I know where the spleen is; it’s important that the doctor knows where the spleen is.
* Only 37% can identify the brain. Or get it to learn stuff.
* Do they have the “Operation” game in England? Can they identify the Funny Bone? The Spare Ribs? The Bread Basket? The Wrenched Ankle?
* Something tells me that pretty much everybody can identify the reproductive organs, eventually.

U.S. NEWS

DOOR DASH DRIVER ATE CUSTOMER’S ENTIRE ORDER

A TikTok user who goes by Funny Mane Suede posted a video of a DoorDash order he received last month. He ordered wings, fries and a soda from WingStop. When he opened his order, he found that it had all been eaten – the wings were stripped to the bone and the fries were completely gone. The only thing intact was the drink. There was also a note from the driver: “I’m sorry I 8 cho food. I’m broke and hungry. Consider it like ur payin it 4ward. I’m quitting this lame ass job anyway. B blessed. signed, “Your Door Dash Guy.” The video poster said, “What am I supposed to do with this, y’all?”
* First off, I wouldn’t touch the drink.
* Second, I’d run out and find the Door Dash guy and give him 20 bucks. Guy sounds like he’s desperate. And if you can afford the freakin’ Door Dash charge for 8 bucks worth of fast food, you can afford to give the poor guy a twenty.
* And while you’re at it, apologize to him for ordering WingStop, and not something he might have liked better.
* This sounds like a case of “Eat It Forward.” You don’t pay for the next guy’s order, you eat it for him.
* How about lock-boxes for the food that only open with the customer’s access code? That should only add about $20 to $30 bucks to each order.
* To top it off, somebody stole the guy’s Amazon purchase off his porch.

AUDIO: MAN STUNG BY 20,000 BEES

A 20-year-old Ohio man was stung by bees more than 20,000 times. Austin Bellamy was up on a ladder trimming a lemon tree last week when he unknowingly cut open a beehive, releasing thousands of African killer bees that quickly swarmed around his head, neck and shoulders. His mother, Shawna Carter, said it looked like he had a black blanket on his head down to his neck, down to his arms. But that blanket… was bees! Bellamy’s grandmother and his uncle were watching from the ground, but they couldn’t help him down because, you know… bees. Firefighters responded and were able to get him down from the tree, and he was airlifted to a hospital and placed in a medically induced coma. He had been stung more than 20,000 times and had swallowed about 30 bees. He is expected to make a full recovery.
* …and become a superhero. Bee Man, or some such.
* Two words for the grandmother and uncle who just stood there watching: Garden hose.
* The nightmares should star to go away around Thanksgiving.
* They sat there and counted all 20,000 stings? That’s just kinda cruel.
* It was so intense, the killer bees even had the murder hornets on standby.
* To wake him up from the coma, they’re going to lean down close to him and go “Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz …”
CLIP: Nicolas Cage and the bees.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/Bees-NicCage(dot)mp3

GUY WANTS WITCHES TO HEX HIM

A guy on TikTok has asked witches to hex him, so he can prove that witchcraft isn’t real. Ethan Keiser is begging online to be cursed by witches in an effort to debunk their so-called “powers.” He says in a clip, “Magic isn’t real. I’ve asked every single witch on TikTok that claims they have powers to hex me. I am sacrificing myself to show all of you this is nonsense because I don’t want you to spend money on these people and get scammed.” He had at least one response, a witch who requested that Keiser send her a photo of himself, a shirt and samples of his hair and nails. But despite the witch saying the hex would begin three days to three weeks later, at the two week mark Keiser claimed nothing had happened to him yet.
* Except that he’s short one shirt.
* Maybe it’s one of those slow hexes. You know – he’ll start losing his hair, or have prostate problems, in about 30 years.
* Maybe the good witches are all over on Instagram?
* Can you hex someone by text? Hexting?

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

HELP WANTED: SWISS GUARDS

The Swiss Guard, the elite squad whose main mission is to protect Pope Francis and the 108-acre Vatican City, is hiring. The unit currently stands at 110 members, and they want to add 25 more men. Enrollment is open to single Swiss men between 19-31 years old who are practicing Catholics in good health, with an “impeccable reputation and be at least 5-foot-7 tall, and have completed basic training in the Swiss army.”
* A pocket knife will be provided, obviously.
* It helps if you look good in a clown suit.
* The job doesn’t pay a lot but they do cover dry-cleaning the uniform.
* Which is good, ’cause on a hot day in Italy it can get steamier in those outfits than the Goofy costume at Disney World.
* And, boy, if you can yodel, that’ll put you right at the top of the list. Talent night hasn’t been the same since Yoris left last April.
* The hours are long, but you get all the chocolate and cheese you can eat.

TRENDING

SNL LOSES ANOTHER THREE CAST MEMBERS

Three more members of Saturday Night Live will not be returning. Regulars Alex Moffat (“Eric Trump” and “Man With a Boat”) and Melissa Villaseñor (“Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez”) and featured player Aristotle Athari (“uhhh… anybody’s guess”) are leaving ahead of season 48, which begins soon. Their departures follow those of Aidy Bryant, Pete Davidson, Kate McKinnon and Kyle Mooney, who said their goodbyes in the final episode of season 47 in May.

TRADEMARK REJECTED FOR ENERGY DRINK CALLED “PURPLE RAIN”

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has agreed with lawyers for the estate of the late artist Prince and formally rejected an attempt by a company called Bang Energy to use the phrase “Purple Rain” in ads for their energy drinks. The Trademark Office ruled that “using the words ‘Purple Rain’ in connection with applicant’s goods, will presume a connection between ‘Purple Rain’ and Prince,” which Price’s estate does not want. Bang Energy released a statement accepting the decision but saying, “Maybe we can negotiate a deal in the future that is mutually beneficial to both parties.” Fat chance.

THE MOST POPULAR FAST FOOD CHAINS

Here are the top ten Most Popular Fast Food Chains based on 2021 sales, from Quick Service Restaurant Magazine:
1. McDonald’s – $46 billion
2. Starbucks – $24 billion
3. Chick-Fil-A – $16 billion
4. Taco Bell – $12 billion
5. Wendy’s – $11.billion
6. Dunkin’ – $10 billion
7. Burger King – $10 billion
8. Subway – $9.4 billion
9. Domino’s – $8.6 billion
10. Chipotle – $7.5 billion

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 5, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Sunday – Patriot Day
Sept. 16, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 22, Thursday – Fall begins, Equinox is 9:04 p.m. EDT
Oct. 10, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Sunday – National Boss Day
Oct. 31, Monday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Spencer Smith (drummer, Panic! at the Disco) … 35
Allison Miller (actress, “A Million Little Things”) … 37
Salma Hayek (actress) … 56
Lennox Lewis (retired boxer, undisputed world heavyweight champion) … 57
Keanu Reeves (actor, “John Wick” and “Matrix” movies) … 58
Mark Harmon (actor, “NCIS”) … 71
Terry Bradshaw (U.S. Football Hall-of-Famer, TV sports commentator) … 74

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I’m a meathead. I can’t help it, man. You’ve got smart people and you’ve got dumb people.”

(A) Shia LaBeouf
(B) Kanye West
(C) Keanu Reeves

ANSWER: (C) Keanu Reeves

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1992 – The United States and Russia agreed to build a space station.
* That was before we both went broke.

1985 – It was announced that a U.S.-French expedition had located the wreckage of the Titanic about 560 miles off Newfoundland.
* And an up-and-coming James Cameron thought “That gives me an idea …”

1969 – About twenty people at the University of California watched Len Kleinrock connect two computers together via a 15-foot gray cable, and then pass data between them – from this experiment grew the web of linked computers we call the Internet.
* He successfully downloaded a Playboy centerfold image from computer A to computer B.

1945 – The Empire of Japan formally surrendered to Allied Forces aboard the “USS Missouri,” ending the Japanese hostilities of World War II.
* A move that shifted the U.S.-Japanese war to the automobile industry.

1944 – Future president George H. W. Bush ejected from a burning plane during World War II.
* As opposed to President Clinton, who kept landing IN the hot seat.

1901 – At the Minnesota State Fair, Vice President Theodore Roosevelt coined the phrase, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.”
* Then he grabbed his crotch and said “And I got your Big Stick right here!”

1752 – This is the anniversary of Calendar Correction Day – Wednesday, September 2, 1752, was followed by Thursday, September 14, 1752, to make up for an ancient 12-day error in the calendar.
* Wow – so if you had a birthday between the 2nd and the 14th, you got to stay the same age for another year!

1666 – Two-thirds of London was destroyed during the Great Fire of September 2nd – about 13,000 buildings burned to the ground.
* The insurance companies are promising the checks will arrive any day now.

490 B.C. – The word “marathon” came to mean a long distance run after this day, when an Athenian from the city of Marathon ran the twenty-six miles to Sparta to get help in repelling the invading Persian army.
* Everyone praised him, but actually he was just too chicken to stay and help fight.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2016 – The Eagles album Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975 returned to the U.S. album chart thanks to a 99-cent sale price in the Google Play store. The album, released in 1976, was already the largest selling compilation album in history with worldwide sales of over 42 million copies.

2012 – Mark Abrahamian, the lead guitarist with Starship, died of a heart attack aged 46. He collapsed following a concert in Nebraska where Starship had opened for fellow bands Survivor and Boston.

2006 – Lead singer of the Isley Brothers, Ronald Isley, was sentenced to three years in a U.S. prison for multiple counts of tax fraud.

2005 – Kanye West criticized President Bush’s response to Hurricane Katrina during a televised benefit concert in New York. The show, which was raising funds for relief efforts, featured Leonardo DiCaprio, Richard Gere, Glenn Close, Harry Connick Jr. and Wynton Marsalis. Appearing alongside comedian Mike Myers for a 90-second segment West told the audience: “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” The comment went out live on the U.S. east coast, but was cut from a taped version seen on the west coast.

2005 – Mariah Carey became only the fifth act ever to hold the top two positions in the U.S. Hot 100 singles chart. The singer’s “We Belong Together” notched a 10th consecutive week at number one on the Billboard chart while “Shake It Off” jumped two places to second place.

1989 – Ozzy Osbourne was charged with threatening to kill his wife Sharon. Ozzy was released on the condition that he immediately went into detox. The case was latter dropped when the couple decide to reconcile.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. A recent survey found that Americans spend an average of 23 minutes a day doing THIS. What is it?
Washing dishes

2. Americans spend 45 minutes every day doing THIS. What is it?
Looking for things

3. On a weekday, the average time for THIS is 3.5 minutes. What is it?
Eating breakfast

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