TEACHER BIT BY RATTLESNAKE
Bit her right in the cafeteria.
SHOPLIFTER HAD CLAMS IN HER PANTS
Frozen clams.
WOMAN KEPT MONEY IN TOASTER OVEN, HUSBAND RETURNS OVEN TO TARGET
Once again, the husband’s fault.
AUDIO: COACH THREW GAME AT LITTLE LEAGUE SOFTBALL WORLD SERIES
To avoid playing the hard team.
RAW MEAT-DROPPING, PAGANS – THIS STORY HAS EVERYTHING
Actually, raw meat and pagans are about it.
SIRI SAVES GUY'S LIFE
Via butt-dial.
WOMAN CAUGHT BREAKING INTO JAIL
An Alabama woman was arrested after investigators say she tried to break into the Franklin County jail. Surveillance video shows Talisha McCann using bolt cutters to try to cut her way into the prison yard. Prison guards were able to scare her off, and when deputies caught up to her, they found two gallon-sized bags…
BATMAN DIES
This is not a reboot.
"MY NEIGHBOR'S A DOUCHEBAG"
Says the sign on the front lawn.
DAYS INN: MAN DIES IN VOMIT AND BLOOD, MATTRESS FLIPPED OVER
And other fluids.