RAW MEAT-DROPPING, PAGANS – THIS STORY HAS EVERYTHING

Someone is dropping raw meat on playgrounds in the Gaston, North Carolina area. One resident of the Hudson Woods apartment complex said her husband found a bag of raw meat near their apartment about two weeks ago. The person has been photographed. He is dressed like evil Emperor Palpatine from “Star Wars.” The police department has no proof that the meat came from someone near the area, or whether or not the meat-dropping is a prank. However, a reporter for the Gaston Gazette interviewed Heather Darnell, a local Pagan and member of the Piedmont Pagan Pride. She says a Pagan person may make offerings while wearing a cloak, but there would be nothing violent about it, she said, and it likely wouldn’t be done in an apartment complex during the day. “We do it privately. It’s not for public consumption,” she said.
* So Pagans worship swing sets and sliding boards?
* “Grant us your blessings, oh mystical teeter-totter!”
* Wow, what century is it down there in Gaston, anyway?
* This sounds like something the Druids might do at Stonehenge.
* Raw meat? I could have sworn Emperor Palpatine was a vegan.
* Okay, maybe there’s nothing violent about it, but you have to admit it’s creepy.
* And now we’ve got the coyote packs showing up.
* The Pagans? Oh great … another group we have to be politically correct about.