SHOPLIFTER HAD CLAMS IN HER PANTS

Palm Bay, Florida, police arrested a woman they say stuffed stolen clams in her pants and walked out of Publix supermarket. Police say Debra Marceau, 52, went into the freezer section, opened a box of frozen clams and tried to put them down the front of her shorts. Marceau also tried to put $45 worth of items in her purse, including a frozen pizza, police said. Marceau told police that she removed the food without paying because she is “homeless and disabled.”
* So, they were stuffed clams. Stuffed down her shorts.
* Could’a been worse. Could’a been crabs.
* She tried to pass the bulges off as kidney stones.
* “Digging for pants clams” is not a sentence I thought I would be saying this morning, but here we are.
* Usually you hear about the more traditional “trouser trout.”
* Palm Bay, Florida … I’m guessing it’s not quite as swanky as Palm Beach.
* The towns are separated by 110 miles and many millions of dollars.
* She tried to fit a frozen pizza in her purse? That’s not a purse – that’s a suitcase.
* Pizza and clams? She could also use some help planning a better menu.
* Let’s see … frozen clams in her pants. I think this is one of those stories where we just nod and say “Hmm” and then move on.