BATHROOM BANDIT STEALS PLUMBING

Police in Columbus, Ohio, are searching for a man who’s been stealing plumbing from stores, hospitals, and restaurants. Dubbed the Bathroom Bandit, Columbus police say he enters various local establishments, visits the men’s restroom, disconnects the plumbing, and leaves with the stolen parts in his backpack. The thief has struck a Kmart, several restaurants, and the Mount Carmel West Hospital. He is described as a white male between 40 and 50 years old, 5’7″ to 5’11” and 180 to 200 pounds.
* Police have nothing to go o— oh, I can’t even finish it.
* The guy’s plumb crazy.
* His favorite browser? Chrome.
* So keep your eyes open for a guy with a toilet-shaped backpack.
* 5’7″ to 5’11”? I guess depending on whether he’s wearing heels that day.
* If I were that guy, after I got home from touching all the fixtures in a public bathroom, I’d take a three-day shower.
* Gee, I wonder what he sells the scrap metal for…I mean besides meth?
* He’s really become a fixture in community bathrooms.
* I still think it’s a nice break from the transgender bathroom stories.
* You know who I feel sorry for? The next person who needs to use the bathroom.