CLASS VALEDICTORIAN NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK BECAUSE HE HAD A BEARD
Rules are rules.
SHOPLIFTER TO COPS: "EVERYONE STEALS FROM THIS STORE"
The store was Claire’s, in the mall.
COMPANY OFFERS FREE TESLA TO NEW WORKERS
The car isn’t even available until late next year.
WOMAN TAKES BASEBALL BAT TO GAS PUMP HOG
“I told you to move.”
5-YEAR-OLD GIRL SUSPENDED FOR PLASTIC BUBBLE GUN
That’s bubble GUN, not gum.
NEIGHBORS HAVE LIGHT BATTLE
Involving spotlights, strobes and disco lights.
WOMAN FALLS DOWN TRASH CHUTE INTO COMPACTOR
It also involved dangling.
MOM WRITES PERMISSION SLIP FOR BOYS TO CLIMB TREES
“In fact, I encourage it.”