TODAY'S CLOWN STORY: THE BRIDGE CLOWN

Police in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, received a 911 call Wednesday to report a clown was crossing the Ravenel Bridge and appeared to be carrying a gun. The caller told 911 dispatchers, “It’s a thing, and it’s a little sketchy, and he appeared to have a rifle underneath his right arm. Could have been something else.” The caller attempted to describe the clown: “When I looked, my impression was that’s a crazy ass 50-some-year-old perv. He looks all rainbow.” The caller made a second pass across the bridge to get a better look at the clown. “He’s half red, half yellow, and … OK, I’m sorry that is absolutely an umbrella he is carrying, not a gun,” the caller said. “Oh I’m glad I was able to verify that. I’m sorry that I guessed that wrong. Like I said, I just saw the wooden part and said what I thought it was.” Charleston police arrived anyway and shut down the right lane of traffic to speak with the clown. Officers said the man wasn’t up to any funny business (!) and was crossing the bridge in costume as a tribute to a recently deceased clown comrade. The clown was allowed to finish his walk.
* Though he was advised by officers to next time, get a unicycle.
* Bridge clowns are not as dangerous as the forest clowns, although they suffer the same ugly bigotry.
* Forest clowns, bridge clown – I think we’re ready for either a billboard clown or a skyscraper clown.
* He was “crossing the bridge in costume as a tribute to a recently deceased clown comrade.” Gee, there’s so much I don’t know about other religions.
* Later he sacrificed a rubber nose to the Seven Gods of Seltzer.
* “A crazy ass 50-some-year-old perv?” Wow, judgmental much?
* Although “He looks all rainbow” is almost poetic.
* Or the guy talking is on acid.
* Hey, don’t beat yourself up about the umbrella. Maybe it was a gun disguised as an umbrella.
* You know my biggest fear? That the space aliens will land disguised as clowns.
* Naa, after this summer, what space aliens would want to land here?